Let's face it, we're all a little addicted. There's nothing like the quick shot of dopamine that receiving a text message from a loved one provides. When it's a romantic partner, the feeling is orgasmic — at least from a biological perspective.
But what happens when a seemingly harmless pastime goes a little too far and starts to affect your relationship? What if the constant dinging leaves you with a sinking feeling in your stomach?
When you've become invisible and all the woman you love ever seems to do is text, it's easy to assume the worst.
Could your girlfriend be texting another guy? And if she is, what can you do about it?
Things to know
- If she’s texting another guy, the first things you’ll notice are excessive phone use and other suspicious behaviors such as sneaking around and changing her appearance.
- She’ll distance herself emotionally and physically as well as pick fights with you if she’s texting another guy.
- When confronted about her behavior, she might get evasive, defensive or accuse you of cheating.
If alarm bells are going off right now and you're wondering how to tell if your girlfriend is texting another guy, I've got you covered. Here's what we'll be looking at:
- Is Texting Another Guy Cheating?
- 10 Red Flags Your Girlfriend Is Texting Another Guy
- What To Do If Your Girlfriend Is Texting Another Guy
- When It's Time To Move On
Is Texting Another Guy Cheating?
The prospect of your girlfriend texting another guy is mentally and emotionally distressing. It's understandable that you want to be sure the shift in your relationship isn't all in your head.
But first, is texting another guy cheating? If it involves romantic or sexual conversations that violate the boundaries of a monogamous relationship, then it is a form of infidelity.
Like all other forms of infidelity, texting infidelity leads to poor outcomes such as mistrust, conflict, a lack of intimacy, and overall relationship dissatisfaction.
The signs most commonly associated with infidelity include:
- Behavioural changes
- Secrecy and deception
- A sudden change in the relationship dynamic
- Sudden changes in appearance or grooming habits
- Unexplained absences or schedule changes
- Emotional and physical distance
- Increased conflict
- Being defensive
10 Red Flags Your Girlfriend Is Texting Another Guy
Here are 10 red flags that your girlfriend might be texting another guy:
1. Changes in her texting habits
Lately, she's captivated. Not by you, but by her phone, in fact, you'd swear it's now part of her hand. You'd expect her to be able to respond to your texts within seconds, but shockingly, you can never get a hold of her.
If she’s leaving your texts on read for hours at a time and not taking your calls, even when she’s online, (and given that she’s always on her phone) she’s not only texting someone else; she's blatantly ignoring you. Major red flag.
2. She acts suspicious when you're around
If she can't seem to tear herself away from her phone, even when you're right there, that's concerning. By texting even when you're supposed to be spending quality time together, she's telling you that she values whoever is on the other side of the screen more.
If she’s texting at all times of the day, even into the early hours of the morning, this points to an unhealthy attachment, and possibly a blooming romantic obsession with whoever she’s texting.
Next time you're together, watch out for suspicious behaviors such as not making eye contact or angling her body away from you. Nervous body language, like fidgeting or avoiding eye contact, when text notifications or calls come through is a dead giveaway that she's hiding something.
Other suspicious behaviors to look out for include:
- Shielding her phone from your line of sight
- Placing her phone face down
- Keeping her phone hidden and on silent
- Getting up to text or take a call in another room
Ultimately, secrecy is one of the key indicators of infidelity, in fact, affairs thrive on the thrill of it. If she’s sneaking around, there's definitely a lot more to her new texting habits.
3. She’s lying about who she’s texting
She insists she’s texting a friend or family member, but things just don’t add up. Why would she be sneaking around if that was the case? Why would she hide her phone or take calls in another room?
If you’ve been together for a reasonable amount of time, and you’ve never known her to spend an excessive amount of time on the phone with loved ones, her behavior is suspicious. And the fact is, if she’s lying about who she’s texting, that’s another red flag.
4. She's updated her passwords
Has she updated her passwords and added face or fingerprint locking to her phone? Even if spying on each other has never been your thing, she clearly wants to eliminate the risk of you snooping around.
If she didn’t have all these security measures before, it's a clear sign that she no longer wants you to have unrestricted access to her phone.
She might justify it by insisting that you need to maintain healthy boundaries or respect each other's privacy. But, this is a red flag, especially if it wasn't an issue before or if comes with other secretive behaviors.
5. She's sneaking around online
She receives countless likes and comments from popular social media platforms, however, you can’t see any of that activity on your end, despite being her friend or following her.
Either she has blocked you or she has social media accounts that you don't know about. Either way, this type of behavior is suspicious.
6. Sudden behavior changes
She’d always give you a heads-up when plans changed. But now, she disappears for hours, hides what she's up to, and lies about who she's with.
Unfortunately, if things have progressed beyond texting, she might be spending time with her new texting buddy.
Is she paying more attention to her appearance or grooming herself differently? This isn’t necessarily a sign of infidelity. But, if her sudden interest in how she looks comes with other suspicious behaviors, she might be making an effort for someone else.
7. She’s avoiding you
She's not available in the evenings or over weekends. The excuse? Work. She turns down most of your requests to spend time together and often blames it on being tired.
If it feels like she’s avoiding you, that's because she is. Let's be real, no one is ever that busy; we tend to make time for the people we care about. Refusing to share even a reasonable amount of her downtime with you is a serious red flag.
8. She's distant
Are all your bids for attention and affection met with glacial indifference? Have things all but dried up in the bedroom?
If the only time she lights up is when her phone dings, she has taken an inappropriate liking to her new texting buddy. She's distant because of a growing emotional attachment to him.
Being dismissive and not wanting to listen to you are also major signs that she's emotionally invested in someone else.
9. She’s picking fights
As a distraction technique, partners engaged in emotional infidelity tend to pick fights with their significant others. Harping on old issues, making accusations, and being overly critical are potent conflict starters. Remember, the goal is to deflect from their suspicious behavior.
Does the change in her phone habits coincide with being more critical of you? If she's being unnecessarily mean, attacking your character or flying off the handle over every little thing, that's a red flag too.
10. She's defensive
Whenever you bring up her texting habits, she gets defensive. She might use this as an opportunity to gaslight you or turn the tables and accuse you of cheating on her. Again, these tactics are some of the most common ways that unfaithful partners deflect or justify their actions.
The bottom line is: if she is evasive or defensive when you ask about her texts or calls, it could be a sign that she's texting another guy.
What To Do If Your Girlfriend Is Texting Another Guy
If you recognize some or all of these signs, it's important not to act impulsively. You might be tempted to download a spy app or hire a private investigator to confirm your suspicions but two wrongs don't make a right.
If you value your relationship, don't violate your girlfriend's trust or privacy. Instead, bring up your concerns, hear her perspective and make an informed decision.
Here's a step-by-step game plan:
Think about what your relationship means to you
If she's texting another guy, what does it mean for your relationship? Consider whether her actions would be a deal-breaker or if you would be prepared to forgive her and move past it.
Plan your approach
Confronting her suggests that you already believe she's guilty of betraying your trust. And, she's likely to get defensive if you take this approach. Instead, aim to have an honest, non-accusatory conversation about things. Think about your key talking points beforehand and remember to keep things respectful.
Calmly bring up your concerns
Pick a time when she's relaxed and in a good mood then calmly raise your concerns. The goal isn't to point fingers but to actively listen to her point of view. It's going to be hard, but don't lose your cool. Try to understand where she's coming from, and invite her to be honest about what she'd like to do about her actions and the state of your relationship.
Get all the details about the relationship
If she comes clean about texting another guy and seems remorseful, aim to understand the nature of their relationship.
Keep in mind that infidelity is more than just physical, if she has developed an emotional connection to this guy, she's having an emotional affair. Even if it's just texting (for now), it could develop into an actual relationship if she doesn't nip it in the bud.
If she's willing to acknowledge the pain she's caused, cut off all contact with the guy, and work on your relationship, there's a chance that you could make it through this rough patch stronger.
Take a few days to think things through
It isn't a good idea to make decisions when you're feeling angry, hurt, and betrayed. Take a few days to consider your next steps.
If want to fix things, you'll need to be patient with each other. You'll also need to get on the same page about infidelity and establish new boundaries to protect your relationship.
If you'd rather walk away, that's okay too. Find healthy ways to process the break-up and give yourself time to get over the betrayal. Remember, healthier relationships await if you take the time to grow from this experience.
When It's Time To Move On
If she denies wrongdoing, shuts you out, or continues to use toxic tactics such as gaslighting or deflection, you may need to accept that your relationship has run its course, and move on.