The day you sign the divorce papers isn’t the day you decide to end your marriage. Choosing to separate from your spouse comes from a long history of tension.
It takes years of fighting and frustration to finally reach your breaking point. So by the time the moment comes, it might feel like you and your husband are already divorced.
But if you feel so sure about your decision, why does it hurt so much once the deed is done?
Divorce brings up lots of confusing and conflicting emotions. Maybe you expected to feel relieved but instead find yourself panicking: “I divorced my husband, and now I miss him. I must have made a huge mistake!”
Or maybe you’re frustrated with yourself, wondering, “why do I miss my husband after divorce?”
Things to know
- It is normal to miss your husband after divorce. Divorce grief is a legitimate phenomenon.
- When you have doubts about your divorce, remember all the reasons you chose to leave. Lean on loved ones and focus on rebuilding a new life of your own.
- If you regret your divorce, it’s possible to reconcile with your spouse. But give yourself time to heal before making a decision.
No matter what feelings you are experiencing, know that they are normal. We’ll break down why you now miss your husband after divorce, what you can do about it, and how to know if you made the right decision:
- Is It Normal To Miss Your Ex-Husband After Divorce?
- What Do I Do If I Miss My Husband After Divorce?
- How Do You Know If You Should Reconcile With Your Ex-Spouse?
- Keep Moving Forward
Is It Normal To Miss Your Ex-Husband After Divorce?
Yes, it is very normal to miss your ex-husband after your divorce.
You lost so much when your marriage ended. The painful loss is more than just a partner—it’s also your home, social circle, stability, and maybe even your kids. Losing life as you know it is a devastating emotional blow for anyone.
He was an important person in your life. Maybe he’s even the father of your children. Even if things weren’t perfect, that doesn’t erase the happy memories you made together.
In fact, experts compare the pain of divorce to the death of a loved one. That’s no small burden to bear. Depression, anger, and guilt are all common feelings that accompany divorce. But how can you get through it?
What Do I Do If I Miss My Husband After Divorce?
When you begin missing your husband for the first time after divorce, the weight of it can feel overwhelming. Suddenly, your entire future looks hazy and uncertain. You can’t imagine life without your spouse.
But before you start telling yourself, ‘divorcing my husband was a mistake,’ first try these coping strategies when you miss your ex-spouse:
1. Allow yourself to grieve the divorce
Friends with good intentions might push you to move on as quickly as possible after your marriage ends. They don’t want to hear you saying, “I divorced my husband, and now I miss him.” Instead, they’ll try to cheer you up with nights out, funny movies, and even blind dates.
It’s good to live life to the fullest after divorce. But the first step in the healing process isn’t ignoring your feelings. It’s grieving.
Mourning your marriage is critical to recovery after divorce. Burying your grief for the sake of friends and family will only lead to feelings of isolation and despair. Accept whatever emotions come your way as you grieve your divorce.
2. Seek and accept support
If your loved ones aren’t supporting you in the ways you need, that doesn’t mean you should push them away. Instead, missing your husband after divorce is the best time to lean on them.
Some people find themselves pulling back from close connections when they are having a difficult time. Even their best friend gets put on the back burner. But by cutting off the people closest to you, you are only hurting yourself.
Tell your loved ones what you need from them. Ask a family member for help. If you’re not comfortable opening up to friends, join a divorce support group instead.
Remember: you are not a burden when you ask for support. Your friends and family are ready and waiting to be there for you in any way they can when you need it the most. You just have to let them in.
3. Rebuild your life
When you divorce your husband, you also divorce your old life. Your friend group, home, and even pets can disappear along with your marriage. A void is left behind. To fill it, start building a new life for yourself.
Start with a social network. Finding new friends who didn’t know your husband can be refreshing. You will all be more relaxed without the tension of your divorce. Join social meetups, hobby groups, or spiritual organizations to make new connections.
Lean into your interests. We often compromise a piece of ourselves in marriage. Maybe there’s an old project you haven’t picked up in years to accommodate him. When you miss your husband after divorce, channel that energy into exploring your own hobbies.
Before you know it, your new personal life will be so full that your old one becomes a distant memory.
4. Set boundaries with your ex-husband
Some divorce proceedings are a mutual decision. While that might sound like an easier emotional recovery than a one-sided separation, it can actually be even more difficult.
You both know that seeking a divorce was the right thing to do. But if you and your former spouse are still on good terms, then it becomes challenging to draw a line in the sand.
You aren’t compatible for marriage, but the love is still there. Without clear boundaries, the two of you can easily slip up and sleep together or struggle to move forward.
It will be nearly impossible to stop missing your husband if you don’t set limits. Ask him to keep text messages strictly professional, like coordinating joint custody or high school pickups for the kids. If you haven’t already moved out, make arrangements to live separately.
Setting boundaries early on will go a long way in creating a healthy relationship between you and your ex-husband and will help you miss him less over time.
5. Try reflective journaling
In the emotional aftermath of divorce, it’s easy to forget why you decided to end your marriage in the first place. You sign the papers, and the next morning you’re already thinking, ‘I divorced my husband, now I miss him. What have I done?’
These are the moments when reflective journaling can do wonders for your mental health. You chose to divorce your husband for a reason. Taking the time to reflect and remind yourself why you did it is key to emotional recovery.
Yes, there was a time when your husband was your best friend. But something changed. What was it? Did you become a victim of emotional abuse? Did he give you the silent treatment instead of working out your issues? Was there cheating involved?
A long-term relationship doesn’t just end out of nowhere. Write down all the reasons you and your husband got divorced to reference later when you have moments of doubt.
6. Consider professional help
Divorce grief is a beast. Just when you think you’re starting to improve, those old feelings come up again. It’s exhausting to fight that battle alone, and sometimes, we need to call in reinforcements.
If you’re having a difficult time, open your mind to the possibility of therapy. Mental health professionals have coping tools you can use throughout the healing process. If you have additional trauma surrounding the split, like your parents’ divorce, that is also something you can work through together.
Even if you think that you’re fine without one, you might be surprised by the positive impact a counselor can have on you after a divorce.
How Do You Know If You Should Reconcile With Your Ex-Spouse?
Still miss your ex-husband after divorce? The healing process is long and painful. It’s no wonder up to 15% of couples reconcile after separation.
It may be tempting to call off the split, but the reunion won’t necessarily be better. 30% of couples who remarry their ex divorce a second time.
If you truly feel that your relationship has a chance, look for positive signs during separation. If your husband wants to try again, too, you might be in the 6% of divorced couples who remarry.
Keep Moving Forward
After divorce, it feels like your life is over. And in a way, it is. Your old life is dead and gone.
But what we often forget is that a new life is on the horizon—and it might be even better than the one you shared with your ex.
When you have those moments of regret as you miss your husband after divorce, be gentle with yourself. You didn’t make a mistake: it happened for a reason.
Lean on loved ones and keep moving forward. You will get by one day at a time.