There is nothing in the world more devastating than a broken heart. It hurts so much it knocks the wind out of you. You feel like you are being crushed by the weight of the loss.
You miss things you never imagined you could miss about a person. You miss his voice. You miss the way he smiles and the sound of his laugh. You miss the feeling of his hand in yours and how tightly he hugged you. You even miss his snoring. You miss absolutely everything about him.
All you want to do is run back into his arms. If you’re honoring a No Contact Rule, it takes everything in your power not to send him a text message on a daily basis. Every time you see a picture of him on social media, your heart breaks all over again. If he was your first love, it feels even more unbearable.
You are probably wondering why you decided to go through this painful experience in the first place. Why not get back together and put an end to the torment? How else will this pain ever stop?
In this article we are going to break down:
- Why You Miss Him So Much
- Should You Get Back Together?
- When You Should Move On
- 16 Ways To Forget Him
- Final Thoughts
Why You Miss Him So Much
If you’re going crazy wondering why this breakup hurts so much, know you’re not alone. Research has shown that women feel pain more acutely than men after splitting up.
One relationship expert suggests that this is because females are biologically wired to become more attached than men, which is why they take the loss much harder than the opposite sex.
You didn’t fall in love with him overnight, and you won’t fall out of love with him that quickly either.
Evolution aside, losing your boyfriend is a major shock to your system. You are used to being with this person all time and sharing every detail of your day with him. He knows you like no one else and you trusted him completely. You always knew that he would be right by your side. A breakup is a huge adjustment—it’s no wonder it causes such strong feelings.
Should You Get Back Together?
If you are having a hard time with the separation and feel like you will never meet a guy as great as your ex, you are probably dying to get back together with him. But is that the right decision? Here are a few different ways to tell:
You understand where the relationship went wrong in the first place.
If you don’t want to end up with another broken heart, it is critical that you reflect on the reasons things didn’t work out the first time around. Otherwise, don’t expect to find yourself in a new relationship with the same person.
Without recognizing your past mistakes, you can’t overcome them. If you both are committed to fixing the issues you had last time, it might be worth giving your relationship another go.
There has been a serious change.
Assuming your initial breakup was caused by factors within your control, making major adjustments can rescue the relationship. If long-distance drove you apart, one person moving from California to New York can be a game-changer, or perhaps you didn't make enough time for each other?
But if the problem was related to something permanent, like a partner’s family member, that is going to be a lot harder to fix. If your ex-boyfriend is honestly a changed man, you can celebrate by reigniting the romantic relationship.
You are ready to leave the past behind.
The worst thing you can do when reconnecting with an ex is rehashing every painful experience from your previous relationship. Digging up old hurts only keeps you from starting a new life together. Suspicion and resentment will tear any couple apart.
If you are truly ready to leave the past behind and start fresh, then it could be worth trying again.
When You Should Move On
Trust has been broken.
When a couple goes their separate ways, it’s not always mutual. Sometimes people get hurt, especially if there was cheating involved. If the trust was broken in the past relationship, you will have a hard time rekindling the old flame. Recovering from betrayal can be a long healing process.
As much as you want to believe your boyfriend is a new person now, it’s not worth letting him back in and risking another broken heart.
You idealize him.
After a breakup, you might find yourself reminiscing on happier times. You can only recall the happy memories you shared and remember your ex as a sweet, romantic boyfriend. Skipping down memory lane is a lot easier than facing real life.
But if you don’t remember the previous relationship accurately, you are in for a nasty surprise when you get back together with your ex. All those old reasons you broke up will resurface, and you will regret giving him a second chance. Leave the fantasies to fairy tales and move on from your ex.
You have to compromise who you are.
If the only way to make a romantic relationship work is to change something important to you, then it’s not worth saving. All love requires sacrifice, but you should never have to turn your back on your own needs.
If your dream is to start a family and your ex-boyfriend can’t imagine being a father, then that’s a serious incompatibility. Don’t give up your identity to force something with a guy who doesn’t even share your core values.
16 Ways To Forget Him
Once you’ve realized it’s time to move on, now comes the hard part: letting go. While you’re still in love and missing your ex terribly, distractions are key. It will take some time to get over this guy, but you can do it. Here are 16 different things you can do to jumpstart the healing process and finally forget your ex:
1. Block His Number
First things first: cut the cord. Block your boyfriend’s number, unfollow him on social media, and make it official. You are never getting back together. Resist the temptation to send him a text message.
Falling into a block-unblock pattern will only make things more confusing for you. Once you accept the difficult reality that he is no longer part of your life, things start looking up.
2. Get Rid of Reminders
Triggers are all over your space. Pictures of you two together, old letters he wrote you, and sentimental gifts will all remind you of your breakup on a daily basis. It’s got to go.
Throwing out mementos of your romantic relationship might be a painful experience, but it’s not as brutal as going down memory lane every time you look at them. Delete, toss, and move on.
3. Cry It Out
A big part of the healing process is embracing your strong feelings. Don’t be ashamed of how wounded you feel—it’s completely normal to have a hard time when your heart has been broken.
Process your emotions as they come instead of burying them. If you don’t face the sadness now, it will only come back to bite you in different ways down the road.
4. Talk to Friends and Family
Lean on loved ones for support. Call up your best friend and plan a movie night. Talk through your thoughts and feelings with a family member.
They were there for you during the relationship, and they will be there for you after it, too. Don’t hesitate to let a close friend hold you up when you’re down.
5. Remember the Negatives
As easy as it is to focus on the happier times, you and your boyfriend broke up for a reason. Take the time to reflect on all the things you didn’t love about your past relationship. Was it his lack of ambition? His weird sense of humor? The way he only wanted to play video games on Friday nights?
For whatever reason, he wasn’t the one for you. If you can identify the problems you two had, you can know what to look for in a new person.
6. Practice Self Care
Breakups are physically and emotionally draining. You can’t eat, can’t sleep, and can’t focus on anything but how sad you are. This is the time when your body needs extra support.
Go to bed early, eat nutritious foods, and drink a lot of water. Spend time relaxing and doing things that make you feel good. Your brain will thank you for it.
7. Go Outside
Getting out of the house is one of the best ways to forget your ex. Going for a walk in nature, visiting a friend, or just spending the afternoon in a coffee shop can all dramatically transform your mood.
Sunshine helps heal a broken heart, and laying in bed all day is not the best thing for your mental health.
8. Write Letters (But Don’t Send Them)
Many times, we leave a lot of things unsaid after a breakup. Thoughts you might not have remembered during an argument can come back to you after reflecting at home.
If you feel like you are missing closure with your ex, you don’t need to reach out to him. Sometimes, just writing down everything you want him to hear can have the same effect. Write letters to your ex saying all the things you wish he knew, then toss them out.
9. Join A Gym
Exercise is a great way to take care of yourself and get your mind off your ex after a breakup. The endorphins that are released during a tough workout lift your mood and give you more energy. When you’ve been crying in bed for days, fitting in a gym session can get you back on track.
10. Turn to Retail Therapy
Getting dumped destroys your confidence. Treat yourself to a shopping spree and you will be amazed by how empowered you feel.
Buying a new outfit that flatters your figure can make you feel like a new person. A fresh haircut or new shoes have the same effect. You deserve to look and feel your best.
11. Try Actual Therapy
Still struggling? Talking to a therapist or relationship coach might be something to consider. Sometimes, problems from our previous relationship run deeper than they appear.
If your ex was toxic, he may have left you with unhealthy beliefs that you should work through with a professional. Don’t be afraid to reach out and get the help you need.
12. Pick Up A New Hobby
Being in a romantic relationship takes up more time than we realize. Now that you’re adjusting to the single lifestyle, you might find yourself with extra hours in the day.
Instead of filling your evenings with thoughts of your ex, try learning a new skill. Not only will it take your mind off your breakup, it could also lead to meeting new people.
13. Think Positive
Nothing drags you down like a broken heart. But don’t let yourself get bitter—work on building a positive mindset. Think about all the things you are grateful for. Make a list of affirmations to hang on your mirror.
Write down an uplifting mantra to live by. Set goals for the future instead of looking over your shoulder at the past. Attitude is everything.
14. Make New Friends
If you had mutual friends with your ex, things might get awkward after a breakup. Instead of worrying about who is on your side, get out there and grow your social circle.
Joining a book club or running group are great ways to find friends with similar interests. Put yourself out there, and you never know who you’ll connect with.
15. Challenge Yourself
Getting out of your comfort zone isn’t easy, but great things happen when you do. Trying different things alone builds your confidence and will definitely get your mind off your ex.
Pushing your boundaries with challenges like solo travel, an advanced cooking class, or a new sport is sure to consume your full attention. Personal growth makes you feel limitless.
16. Have Fun
You’ve been down in the dumps for a long time. You can’t stay miserable forever. Laughter is the best medicine. Go to a comedy show, or get a group together and do something you really enjoy. Don’t forget that you can still have a good time without your boyfriend!
Remember, forgetting your ex takes time. You didn’t fall in love with him overnight, and you won’t fall out of love with him that quickly either. It’s natural to struggle through a broken heart.
Keep your thoughts to the future and trust that there are better things ahead. Focus on your own needs and do whatever you need to do as your heart heals from the breakup. You’ll be over him before you know it.