You and your wife are soulmates.
You know that she loves you, and your emotional connection is as strong as ever. You find her incredibly attractive and are in this marriage for the long haul. There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for her.
But lately, something feels off. The mutual attraction you’ve always shared has started feeling one-sided. The fire isn’t burning so bright in her eyes anymore.
You find yourself worrying: “My wife loves me, but she isn’t attracted to me.”
You have no reason to feel this way, but you can’t shake the nagging doubt. It’s starting to impact your self-esteem. You need to know if it’s all in your head or if you have a real marital problem on your hands.
Things to know
- Loss of attraction might reveal itself if your wife stops laughing with you, spending quality time, and putting in the extra effort.
- The reason your wife isn’t attracted to you anymore might not be physical. If a woman feels neglected or unappreciated, that can be a major turn-off.
- If you want your wife to be attracted to you again, start by addressing the problem head-on, then see if you can make changes in your marriage together.
If the sexual attraction between you is dwindling, there are warning signs to watch out for. To help you get to the truth, here's what we'll explore in this article:
- 11 Signs Your Wife Is Not Attracted To You
- Why Isn’t My Wife Attracted To Me Anymore?
- How Do I Get My Wife To Be Attracted To Me Again?
- Can Your Marriage Survive?
11 Signs Your Wife Is Not Attracted To You
Worried that your wife has lost her attraction to you?
Watch for these signs to find out if it’s all in your head or if your sexual chemistry is truly at risk:
1. The playfulness is gone
Remember the way you two used to laugh at nothing together? Do you still make her smile easily, or are your jokes falling flat?
Humor goes hand in hand with sexual desire. If the jokes stop, take that as a major warning sign that your wife is no longer attracted to you.
2. She’s never in the mood
If your wife has lost her attraction to you, your sex life has most likely dried up. Every time you try to get something going, she has a new excuse to avoid getting physical.
There can be lots of different reasons that someone isn’t in the mood. All relationships go through lulls.
But if your wife starts rejecting your sexual advances on a regular basis, that can spell danger for your marriage.
3. There are fewer date nights
Though it could be related to work or other life stress, one way to tell if the sexual desire in your marriage is waning is by looking at your quality time.
Date nights can measure the pulse of the physical and emotional connection between you and your wife. If it’s healthy, you should be regularly spending time together and making an effort to be fully present.
But if your wife wants to cancel on date night for no apparent reason time after time, then she isn’t looking forward to being alone with you. That attitude might reveal a deeper feeling that she has about being with you physically, too.
4. No more romantic texts
Flirty text messages from your wife show you that you’re on her mind. When she sends you constant updates on her day or random compliments, that’s a strong signal that she can’t stop thinking about you.
If the messages between you get reduced to the grocery list, alarm bells should go off in your head. It could mean you aren’t as exciting to her in the ways you were before.
5. She’s putting less effort into her looks
A woman who is attracted to you wants to look good for you.
She gets dressed up when you go out together and always does her hair. She eats healthy and goes to the gym to keep up her physical appearance. Keeping you on interested is important to her.
So if your wife suddenly stops trying, watch out. It’s normal to wear comfortable clothes around the house. But once the casual look becomes permanent, it might indicate she doesn’t feel the desire to put in effort for you anymore.
6. Conversation feels awkward
Sexual chemistry sends sparks flying every time you talk. Witty banter, intense eye contact, and leaning in close during conversation are all signs of mutual attraction.
Pay attention to the flow between you. Can you talk for hours into the night, or is it hard to fill awkward silences? Does your wife ask you deep questions about your feelings, or does she stick to surface-level drivel?
Dead air between you and your wife is a sneaky symptom of weak physical attraction.
7. She puts her friends before you
When a person is attracted to you, they want to be with you all the time. You are the priority in their social life, no matter who the competition is.
So if your wife’s friends are starting to outrank you, then you have a problem. Does she cancel date night for girls’ night? Is she constantly making plans with her pals instead of her romantic partner? Does she talk to her old college roommate more than she talks to you?
Prioritizing other people shows a lack of attraction. When your wife invests more quality time into her friendships than her marriage, it’s possible she’s starting to see you in a platonic way.
8. You both feel irritable
Sexual attraction forgives a lot of flaws. A little thing that might annoy you in a friend or family member is suddenly charming when your spouse does it.
If your wife is attracted to you, she will be patient with you. She’ll still find your quirks cute.
But if she is losing her feelings of attraction, then she will constantly act irritated. Her unconditional love will start to wear thin as she makes negative comments in your direction and rolls her eyes at things you do and say.
If you and your wife are becoming moody and argumentative, there may be a problem with your sexual chemistry.
9. She stopped showing you off on social media
In a happy marriage, your romantic partner is proud to be with you. They want to introduce you to everyone they meet and post photos of you looking good online.
When there is a lack of attraction, then your wife might not be so quick to show you off on social media. If she used to upload appreciation posts early in your relationship, does she still brag about you?
When she stops sharing you on social media, it could be thanks to decreased interest in your physical appearance.
10. She goes to bed before you
Your sex life isn’t the only measure of a healthy relationship.
Simply wanting to be physically close to your spouse is a clear sign of sexual attraction. That could mean cuddling on the couch, random hugs, or holding hands in public. Initiating touch of any kind matters.
So once your wife stops staying up late with you, she might be losing her feelings of attraction.
If she is on her way to bed while you’re halfway through a movie, that could be a sign that she isn’t interested in sharing physical touch with you.
11. She compares you to her friends’ marriages
In a healthy relationship, both people are satisfied with their romantic partner.
Neither of you is looking around, wondering if the grass is greener somewhere else. When the mutual attraction is strong, no one is playing the comparison game.
Has your wife started making comments about her friends’ relationships? Does she drop hints about things their spouses do that she wishes you would try?
Even in a long-term relationship, your wife shouldn’t be jealous of other couples. This behavior is a warning sign that she isn’t totally satisfied with your marriage.
Why Isn’t My Wife Attracted To Me Anymore?
If you’re convinced that your wife loves you but is no longer attracted to you, don’t jump to conclusions. There are lots of reasons a married woman could stop desiring physical intimacy. Your outward appearance is rarely to blame.
Here are some more likely reasons:
She has a health issue
Health problems can have a major impact on sexual desire. There are physical conditions that wreak havoc on libido. In fact, hormonal imbalances are estimated to be the cause in up to 70% of cases.
Her mental health is bad
Mental health ailments like depression can also destroy a woman’s sex drive. If she is on certain medications, those may negatively impact her levels of sexual attraction, too.
Lack of quality time
Another potential reason your wife isn’t acting interested in you is emotional neglect. Are you working long hours or forgetting to tell her what she means to you? If she perceives a lack of effort in the marriage on your part, it may cause her to shut down sexually, too.
Though unlikely, in some cases, the reason a woman pulls away is more sinister. If she is secretly cheating on you, that would explain her distant behavior.
Being unfaithful doesn’t have to be physical. Sometimes, having an emotional affair can be just as damaging to a marriage. Don’t assume all your wife’s friends are a threat but pay attention to anyone she’s spending significantly more time with in particular.
Her sexual orientation
Your wife’s lack of attraction might be purely personal. Some people don’t recognize their sexual orientation until long after they are already married. She may be an asexual person and not even know it herself.
Remember, sexual desire isn’t purely physical. Make sure you explore the root causes of low libido before blaming yourself.
How Do I Get My Wife To Be Attracted To Me Again?
If you recognize your wife in any of these warning signs, all hope is not lost.
Use the following strategies to reignite the spark and restore sexual desire in your marriage:
Start an honest conversation
Many times, the real cause of bad sexual chemistry has nothing to do with physical appearance. It’s possible that your wife is struggling with low self-esteem or even a different problem in another area of your marriage.
To solve your stunted sex life, it’s critical that you speak openly with your wife.
Don’t begin the conversation with a defensive or accusatory tone. Create a safe space for your spouse to express herself freely. Practice active listening with an open mind and reassure her that you love her no matter what.
If you try this strategy and find it too difficult, consider seeking couples therapy. Discussing a sensitive topic like sexual attraction might be easier with a clinical psychologist facilitating.
Give her more attention
A weak emotional connection can lead to more marital problems than you might think.
When a married woman feels ignored or neglected outside the bedroom, she slowly loses her interest in physical intimacy. It’s difficult for her to be attracted to someone who barely acts excited to see her.
To fix this issue, carve out time to give your wife your full attention. Prioritize spending time with her by planning a date night or really listening when she tells you about her day. Bring home flowers or a thoughtful gift to show your spouse you are thinking of her. Remind her why she fell in love with you in the first place.
When she starts feeling loved and appreciated again, her attraction to you should come back, too.
Take better care of yourself
It’s common to let yourself go in a long-term relationship. You’ve both gotten comfortable and know that you will be accepted no matter how you look.
You should feel safe to be yourself in a healthy relationship. But that’s no reason to stop trying to look good for your spouse.
If you’ve let your diet and exercise regimen slip, focus on practicing discipline to tone up. Ditch the sweatpants and try upgrading your outfits. And always make sure you’re practicing good hygiene.
Physical appearance isn’t everything, but it doesn’t hurt to put in a little extra effort when you’re trying to relight the fire.
Try something new in the bedroom
Are you otherwise in a happy marriage, but it’s gotten boring in the bedroom? Don’t be afraid to explore new things.
Sometimes switching up your routine can be enough to turn things around. If you don’t know where to start, you could even consider seeing a sex therapist. They’ll help you identify where things are going south and give you new ideas to jumpstart your sexual chemistry.
Don’t forget that a low sex drive can also have medical causes. Rule out physical or mental health issues that could be the culprit before deeming your sex life doomed.
Can Your Marriage Survive?
When you and your wife tied the knot, you promised each other unconditional love til death do you part.
You might not have predicted problems in your sex life when you were standing on the altar. But it’s time to buckle down and face them if you’re in it for the long haul.
If you believe the spark is worth saving, it’s not too late. Talk to your wife and reaffirm your commitment to her. Together, you can overcome any marital problems life throws your way—even attraction.