Does this ever happen when you have a huge crush on someone?
You spend hours daydreaming about this person. You imagine hand-holding and romantic candlelit dinners. You want to be around them all the time. You find yourself smiling every time you think of them.
Then suddenly, one day, they actually show romantic feelings for you too—and you shut down.
Things to know
- Lithromantic people feel romantic attraction but don’t want reciprocation or a romantic relationship.
- Lithromantic is a romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum.
- You might be Lithromantic if you lose feelings quickly, prefer platonic relationships, or only want people you can’t have.
If all your romantic attraction evaporates the second your crush likes you back, you might be a Lithromantic. Keep reading to find out what Lithromantic means and signs you might be one:
- What Is Lithromantic?
- Are Lithromantic People Part Of The LGBTQIA+ Community?
- Can Lithromantic People Be In Relationships?
- Taking The Lithromantic Test: Signs You Might Be One
- Love Is A Spectrum
What Is Lithromantic?
Lithromantic describes a person who feels romantic attraction but doesn’t want it returned. They might like the idea of romance but find themselves repulsed by the reality of it.
For a Lithromantic, their romantic feelings are very real. But once their crush expresses romantic interest in return, those emotions fade away. The Lithromantic isn’t leading them on—they genuinely lose attraction over time.
A Lithromantic individual is different than someone who fears romance or commitment because of a past traumatic event.
Their identity isn’t an obstacle to overcome. They simply are not attracted to romantic touch and prefer unrequited love.
Are Lithromantic People Part Of The LGBTQIA+ Community?
LGBTQIA+ stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, and Asexual (with the plus sign there for anyone who doesn't identify with the preceding letters).
Over time, the acronym has become an umbrella term for any minority sexual identity. The LGBTQIA+ community is definitely inclusive of Lithromantic people, as it covers the entire spectrum of romantic and sexual attraction.
Lithromantic is considered a romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum. Also known as ‘akoiromantic’ or ‘apromantic,’ this means that the person has no interest in or desire for romantic relationships.
A Lithromantic can be of any gender or sexual orientation. They may even be asexual or Lithsexual. Much like the Lithromantic, a Lithsexual experiences sexual attraction but does not want sexual touch in a relationship.
LGBTQIA+ is a broad and inclusive community, and Lithromantic individuals definitely have a place there.
Can Lithromantic People Be In Relationships?
A Lithromantic can absolutely be in a relationship.
Just because you don’t want a romantic partner doesn’t mean you want to be alone. There are a lot of people out there who are looking for connection without attraction.
A Lithromantic individual might find the perfect partner in someone on the aromantic spectrum or even the asexual spectrum. A platonic relationship is just as legitimate as a sexual one.
As long as you are open and honest with the other person, there’s nothing stopping you from having a happy relationship without romantic love.
Taking The Lithromantic Test: Signs You Might Be One
Do you feel like you fit the Lithromantic definition, but you aren’t 100% sure?
Here are 9 signs that can help you assess if Lithromantic is the correct label for you:
1. You lose feelings when your crush likes you back
You’re head over heels for your crush. You can’t stop thinking about them, and everything they do just makes you like them more. Then they ask you out, and suddenly you can’t imagine sitting through dinner with this person.
You can’t help it—you just lost any romantic interest in them. It’s frustrating, but turning cold on your crush is totally outside of your control.
If your emotions disappear the second romantic love is reciprocated, that’s a sure sign you might be Lithromantic.
2. You prefer friends to romantic partners
Your friends are your world. You have a lot of people you would do anything for.
But you don’t have quite as many romantic or sexual partners.
A Lithromantic individual is all in when it comes to a platonic relationship. They will be the best friend you’ve ever had. You can talk to them about anything, and you know that they will be there for you no matter what.
But when it comes to a romantic type of relationship, the Lithromantic isn’t quite as comfortable with emotional intimacy. If you have a long list of friends and a short list of lovers, there’s a chance you lean towards being Lithromantic.
3. You’ve been told you have commitment issues
Not everyone understands why you lose feelings when love is returned. You might not even understand it yourself.
But if someone with a romantic orientation sees that you run from relationships, they probably assume you have a fear of commitment. Being Lithromantic might appear similar to someone who doesn’t like relationships. But if that’s your identity, you know that it’s not what it looks like.
You want a relationship. You just don’t want a romantic connection. A Lithromantic individual has no problem with commitment, as long as the other person isn’t pushing romantic things on them.
4. Physical touch is a turn off
A Lithromantic isn’t asexual. They can desire sexual touch without seeking romance. But the reality is that there’s often overlap between different types of physical touch.
Hand holding, hugging, and cuddling on the couch might be a turn-off to you if you’re Lithromantic. This kind of contact is too cozy and emotional for your taste.
While you might fantasize about romantic touch, when push comes to shove, you don’t really want it. So if thinking about actually showing public displays of affection makes you cringe, then you might be Lithromantic.
5. You keep all your crushes a secret
Unrequited love is as close to romance as a Lithromantic is willing to get. Dreaming from a distance is more desirable to them than actually acting on their thoughts.
But to the person a Lithromantic individual is crushing on, this behavior can be confusing. They don’t always understand how a person’s feelings can shift so fast.
If this has led to heartbreak for other people in the past, then the Lithromantic might learn to keep any romantic attraction they experience a complete secret. That way, it’s easier for everyone involved to enjoy their emotions without being burdened with the expectation to act on them.
If you do your best to keep your crushes to yourself, that could be a sign you’re Lithromantic.
6. You only want people you can’t have
Another major sign of a Lithromantic? Only liking people who are totally unavailable. The safest way for a Lithromantic to enjoy unrequited love is by wanting someone they know they can’t have.
Maybe they’re married or committed to being single. They might live in a different country on the opposite side of the world. Or maybe they’re fully available, but the Lithromantic knows that they will never fall in love with them in return.
For a Lithromantic, it’s not unusual to go so far as to crush on a fictional character from one of their favorite books. The imaginary person is the ultimate protection against unwanted romantic advances.
If you’re Lithromantic, the key is enjoying your inner romantic feelings without the threat of acting on them.
Talking about your feelings makes you cringe
A Lithromantic person loves the idea of romance. They feel genuine desire and attraction but don’t want it to exist in the physical realm.
That’s why they prefer to keep their emotional fantasies contained inside their heads. If it were up to them, no one would ever know how they truly felt about someone. After all, what’s the point? They don’t want to do anything about it.
So if you die a little inside when your friends push you to share your feelings about a new crush, that could mean you’re a Lithromantic. Anything that resembles acting on your romantic feelings will repulse you as a Lithromantic.
You wonder if you’re emotionally unavailable
Being Lithromantic isn’t well-represented in the media. Maybe you know your romantic orientation, but you’ve never discovered the name for it before.
If you’re still on the journey to finding your identity as a Lithromantic, you might have had moments of wondering if there’s something wrong with you.
You can’t relate to your friends in romantic relationships. You’re happy for them, but you don’t want what they have. You can’t understand why every time your crush likes you back, and you shut down.
If you’ve ever felt confused about your romantic feelings hitting the “off switch” at the first sign of affection, then maybe you’re simply Lithromantic.
No one understands why you’re still single
You’re a catch. A lot of people have shown a romantic interest in you before. After all, you have a lot to offer. But if none of them have caught your eye, your friends and family are probably totally confused. It’s not like you haven’t had options.
If they don’t understand, don’t worry about it. If you’re Lithromantic, you just want a different kind of relationship.
Love Is A Spectrum
There are all kinds of love. Romantic or friendly, sexual or platonic, and everything in between has a place on the spectrum. The Lithromantic orientation may not be widely known or understood. But if you see yourself in this description, there is nothing wrong with you.
You don’t need a romantic connection to be loved and accepted in this world. All you need is that one person who accepts you and makes you happy.
If you identify with some aspects of the Lithromantic description but not others, you don’t have to decide what you are. Use any label you’re comfortable with—or even none at all.