When you fall hard for someone, it can be challenging to see the flaws in the situation or the person's shortcomings. Many of us get swept up in a new crush before we realize they don't feel the same way.
When you experience an unrequited crush, it may feel like the entire world is falling apart beneath you as your heart breaks from the pain of loving someone who doesn't love you back. It's a hard pill to swallow and often one that we need time to digest fully.
However, even the most painful emotions don't last forever, especially the ones we feel over a silly little crush. You can get over a crush and move on with your life in less time than you think — you have to be willing to commit to the process of moving on.
Things to know
- Falling for someone can be challenging and sometimes leads to an unrequited crush. Unfortunately, unrequited feelings rarely turn into anything substantial. Instead, they leave you feeling inadequate and devastated.
- Moving on from a crush requires accepting one's feelings, reframing the situation, avoiding painful reminders, and releasing the pain in a constructive way.
- Focusing on oneself is important in moving forward from a crush. This can include journaling, art therapy, exercise, or other activities that promote self-discovery and growth.
We break the process of moving on into 8 steps. Here they are:
- Accept your feelings
- Reframe the situation
- Avoid painful reminders
- Release the pain in a constructive way
- Focus on yourself
- Pour your energy into something else
- Hang out with friends
- Jump back into the dating pool
How To Get Over A Crush
Getting over a crush isn't always easy. However, you can use these eight steps to help you mend your heart and move on for good:
1. Accept your feelings
When we develop a crush on someone, we usually try to stuff down our emotions and ignore them. However, before you can get over your crush, you need to accept your feelings.
All you have to do is admit to yourself that you have a crush, even though you know they don't feel the same way. Then, accept that you won't be able to get them back. Once you accept that it's an unrequited crush, you can begin the process of taking your life back and moving on.
If it helps, you can also share your feelings with a family member or close friend you trust. These people are usually willing to listen and offer support, which you need at this moment. Furthermore, your loved ones may have advice from their own experiences to share with you.
The sooner you accept your feelings and stop ignoring them, the faster you can stop feeling that way about your crush.
2. Reframe the situation
When we develop a new crush, we often think it's because we're in love with them completely. However, crushes are not usually true love but rather idealization. This means we fall in love with the idea of this person or the idea of dating them, not the person as they are in real life.
Therefore, it's essential to take a step back and analyze the situation from a place of rationality.
- Do I have romantic feelings for this person, or do I just enjoy the fantasy inside my mind?
- Do I even know enough about this person for a relationship to work?
- If this relationship did happen, would it be a healthy relationship, or would it be toxic for one or both of us?
By asking yourself these questions and thinking about the truth behind your emotions, you can reframe the situation in a more realistic light. This can help you lessen the intensity of your broken heart and start the healing process.
3. Avoid painful reminders
Unrequited love is often the most painful type of love to overcome. If you're having a tough time coping, you may want to avoid painful reminders of your crush in your daily life so you can stop thinking, "I miss him so badly," throughout the day.
If your crush is someone you see frequently, switching up some of your daily routines may be necessary to avoid awkward encounters. This may mean you need to check out a different coffee shop or move your daily workouts to another time of day.
Even small changes in your routine can shake things up enough to get you out of a funk and reframe your negative feelings until you've moved on to a new crush.
Also, social media can be a major trigger for negative thoughts, especially when you see your crush enjoying life. So, you may want to remove your crush from your social media accounts or temporarily snooze updates from them. This will help you avoid feeling sad every day as you scroll through Instagram or TikTok.
4. Release the pain in a constructive way
Sometimes, people catch themselves dreaming of their ex, even if they avoid painful reminders of their unrequited love. In those instances, it's best if you can find a healthy way to release the pain and other negative emotions that fill your body.
Some people find journaling a therapeutic process in times like these because they can spill their feelings onto paper, close the book, and walk away. Mindful journaling can be a particularly beneficial and soothing way to do this, but so can any other form of journaling that encourages you to write about how you feel in the moment.
Others enjoy expressing themselves through art therapy or other creative mediums that allow them to get messy and bring life to the powerful emotions that consume them. Whether you sketch, paint or do something entirely different, art can help you release negative feelings onto paper.
Still, some people need to express their feelings in other ways, such as running or kickboxing. Working out releases endorphins, which boost your mood. Also, exercise usually releases tension and anger, which you may be holding onto in this situation.
Whatever you do, make sure it's constructive and helps you release your feelings. Otherwise, it's not an effective or helpful way to get over your crush.
5. Focus on yourself
If you ask any relationship coach about the number one piece of advice they offer people when they're trying to get their ex back or get over someone, they will tell men and women to focus on themselves.
Focusing on yourself serves multiple purposes. For starters, it helps you recover from a broken heart and mend yourself. More importantly, though, focusing on yourself often boosts self-esteem and enables you to remember your worth. These are both crucial things to do in the aftermath of a situation like this.
Focusing on yourself can look different to different people. Some use it as a time to practice self-care and recharge their batteries. Others take the time to reconnect with themselves and find contentment in being alone.
Whatever you decide to do with the time, make sure it's productive and helps you feel good about yourself. Harmful coping mechanisms will not help you get over your crush.
6. Pour your energy into something else
Sometimes, people have a hard time being alone when trying to get over unrequited feelings because it brings up negative emotions. If that's the case for you, you may want to focus your attention elsewhere.
For example, you can use the extra time in your schedule to pick up a new hobby. Many hobbies offer virtual or in-person classes you can take to hone your skills in the company of others. It's a great way to distract yourself for a bit and make new friends along the way.
If you're feeling compassionate, then a volunteer effort or other noble cause may make more sense. Serving lunch at the soup kitchen or helping with a community event will give you plenty to do, and you'll feel good about yourself for doing something selfless.
You can also use your volunteer efforts as an opportunity to meet new people and widen your social circle, too. (New crush, anyone?)
These suggestions may just sound like distractions from reality. However, they are healthy ways of coping with your emotions and are beneficial to your long-term mental health.
7. Hang out with friends
Spending quality time with your closest friends is another tried and true step towards closure from unrequited love. After all, friends usually boost our self-esteem more than anyone else in our lives, so why not spend lots of time with them to help you move on?
You can take advantage of the time with your friends to practice self-care as a group. You can pamper yourselves or spend the day at the mall, shopping until you drop. Or, you and your friends can spend a night out on the town, forgetting about those feelings you had for someone and enjoying the crowd in your favorite hangout spot.
Although you shouldn't look at your friends as a consolation prize or a replacement for your crush, they can help you remember how much fun it is to be completely unattached and happy. Also, friends are usually in our lives to stay, so it's essential to show your love and appreciation to the people who genuinely care about you.
8. Jump back into the dating pool
It takes time to mend a broken heart. However, the time will eventually come when you feel ready to move on from your past and give your heart to someone new. This is sometimes the best way to say goodbye to that old crush for good.
You can use online dating apps to find someone worthy of your time and energy, or you can put yourself out there the old-fashioned way in real life. Either way, just be yourself and remain confident. True love will eventually find you.
When the time comes, you'll be glad you practiced all of the previous steps because you will feel more confident and prepared for a committed relationship. Also, you'll be your best self, which is all anyone could ever want.
Remember Your Worth
Although finding out a crush doesn't like you is often the bad news you never wanted, it frequently ends up being a blessing in disguise. Unrequited feelings rarely turn into anything substantial. Instead, they leave us feeling inadequate and devastated when it's all said and done.
Not everyone knows how to get over a crush. However, these steps will help you get over your crush and move on. More importantly, I hope spending some time with yourself and your loved ones enables you to remember your worth.
When someone doesn't love us back, it can take a lot out of us and make us ready to jump into any relationship so that we can feel loved. However, the reality is that you deserve someone who will see you, respect you, and admire you day in and day out.
So, as you work on getting over your crush and moving on, remember this: you deserve true love, and good things come to those who wait.