You want your ex to suffer. Yet, the thought of them still makes your heart flutter. You’re plotting revenge while a part of you wishes they would come crawling back. They broke your heart but the intense longing to be with them keeps you up at night.
Do you picture yourself riding off into the sunset with your ex? Or would you rather move on and leave the emotional roller coaster behind for good?
Ditch the weird phone calls and stop sending them rambling text messages. Tap into the power of silence instead.
Things to know
- Silence encourages healing, reflection and prevents you from doing things you'll regret later on. That's why methods such as no contact and radio silence are so powerful after a breakup.
- A period of silence is best spent wisely. So, focus on self-improvement and letting go of negative emotions, especially if you hope to reconcile with your ex.
- A period of silence depends on your situation and your intentions. If you're trying to move on from an unhealthy relationship, an indefinite period of radio silence may be the only way to protect yourself and aid the healing process.
Before you're a Silent Pro, here's what you'll need to know:
- Why Is Silence After A Breakup Powerful?
- The Power Of Silence After Rejection
- How To Use The Power Of Silence After A Breakup
- The Difference Between Radio Silence And No Contact
- How Long Should You Stay Silent After A Breakup?
- Does Silence Make Your Ex Come Back?
- Silence Is The Best Revenge
Why Is Silence After A Breakup Powerful?
Whether you want to get back together with your ex or move on gracefully, silence after a breakup is the most effective way to do so. Here’s why:
1. Silence encourages reflection
If only there were a way to make the breakup recovery process more manageable. Well, science may have the answer. Ruminating about a past relationship speeds up emotional recovery. This is because reflection can help you process your emotions and move on.
Relationships often cause us to become psychologically intertwined with our partners. Reflection can help you gain a stronger sense of who you were before you met your ex. Let’s face it; you’ll never be able to reap the benefits of reflection if you remain in constant contact with your ex.
2. Silence neutralizes destructive emotions
After a breakup, we tend to view our exes negatively. We magnify their faults to justify the split and cope with the emotional pain. If you broke up recently, you and your ex are still exaggerating each other flaws. Staying in contact will lead to conflict, and if you’re constantly fighting, you won't be able to move on with your lives.
Silence will give you time to heal and let go of destructive emotions before you do irreparable damage to each other. As the negative feelings subside, you’ll be able to view each other and the relationship more objectively. With enough time, you'll both get to a point where you can interact without bringing up hurtful memories.
When you’ve both let go of your anger and resentment, you can reconnect and work on rebuilding a positive connection. Or you can move on and start new lives with other people.
3. Silence leaves no room for confusion
Staying silent after a breakup leaves no room for confusion. If you called it quits, reaching out regularly sends out the wrong message. Such mixed signals can make moving on difficult for both of you.
In contrast, if your ex broke things off, trying to stay in contact with them is a terrible idea. Not only does this subconsciously communicate that you don't respect their wishes, but it also makes you appear needy and obsessive.
In both scenarios, the confusion caused by staying in contact might keep you stuck in a toxic cycle of making up and breaking up.
4. Silence is empowering
No matter who initiated the breakup, silently carrying on with your lives as opposed to pestering each other puts you both in a better position to bounce back.
While breakups can undoubtedly be painful experiences, they are also opportunities to grow and learn from past mistakes. By keeping silent, you’re allowing each other to focus on self-reflection and personal growth.
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Whether you received a lengthy breakup email or your ex ghosted you, silence is a powerful tool to keep your self-respect intact and speed up the healing process.
There’s also a pretty good chance that it might help you get your ex back. Here’s why there’s power in silence after rejection:
1. It changes your ex’s perception of you
Research shows that positive memories tend to stick with us more than negative ones. Remaining silent after a breakup works to change your ex’s perception of you.
By giving them time to heal, the negative feelings they have towards you are likely to fade. Given enough time, they’ll start to remember you and your past relationship in a more positive light.
For your ex to even consider getting back together with you, this shift in perception must occur. When they’re no longer seeing you in a negative light, you’ll be able to do the hard work of turning things around.
2. It makes your ex miss you
Even if your ex initiated the breakup, strong feelings don't disappear overnight. At some point during their recovery, they’ll start to miss you. When they’re lonely or have difficulty coming to terms with being single again, they’ll think of you.
The fact that you aren’t begging them to come back might be jarring. Your silence might confuse them and keep you on their mind constantly. Your ex might still love you or start to wonder if breaking up was the right decision.
It’s counterintuitive, but not having access to you will make your ex miss you more.
3. It stops you from saying things you'll regret
When you've tried everything to convince your ex to take you back, your despair can quickly turn into anger. You might lash out and say hurtful things you don't mean.
Hurling insults at your ex does nothing to change their mind. It only makes the situation worse. If you start to harass your ex or your words escalate to threats or verbal abuse, you might find yourself on the receiving end of a restraining order. The bottom line is it’s easy to do irreversible damage to your relationship with thoughtless words.
Staying silent stops you from saying things you'll regret. It also ensures that you can reconnect with your ex when the time is right and work on rebuilding a positive connection.
4. It stops you from doing things you’ll regret
When the pain of a breakup is still fresh, you're more likely to act irrationally. The frustration of being jilted by your ex can make you do all sorts of things. You might corner them at work so they can hear you out. You might pester their loved ones and ruin your reputation in the process.
Avoiding your ex stops you from doing reckless things. It's best to stay silent and wait until you're thinking rationally. By doing so, you’re making it possible to re-establish positive communication with your ex at a later stage.
5. It preserves your dignity
When you stay silent after a breakup, you preserve your dignity. A split can wreak havoc on your emotions and cloud your judgment. When you aren't thinking clearly, it's easy to do things that you might regret later on.
You might leave hateful messages or drunk call your ex. You might even be tempted to leave nasty comments under their posts on social media. All of these things reinforce your ex’s negative perception of you. Instead of convincing them that breaking up was a mistake, you’re giving them plenty of reasons to justify leaving you.
If you intend to move on, staying silent shows your ex that you have boundaries and self-respect. If you want to get your ex back, silence works in your favor for the same reasons.
6. It gives you time to work on yourself
Silence helps you heal from a breakup. You don't get to see your ex or communicate with them, so you aren't rubbing salt into fresh wounds.
Instead of being driven to extremes by your ex or falling into destructive habits, you’re able to focus on self-improvement and work on becoming a better person of yourself.
By working on yourself and not pining after your ex, you’re rising above their expectations. You're also setting yourself up for better relationships in the future.
7. It gives you perspective
By silently processing a breakup, you're laying a good foundation for healing to begin. You’re also putting things into perspective. You can look back, acknowledge your part in the breakup, and take responsibility for your actions.
Maybe when you’ve let go of the emotional pain, you’ll remember why you fell for your ex in the first place. You might decide you want them back. Perhaps after a few weeks, you might realize that breaking up was actually for the best and finally put your relationship behind you.
8. It helps you make better decisions
When you’re heartbroken, it's easy to make bad decisions. You could get back together with a toxic ex because you're lonely. You could even find yourself in a confusing ‘ex with benefits’ situation.
A period of silence allows you to contemplate the true nature of your relationship. You get to process all the confusing post-breakup feelings without getting distracted by your ex. When you're thinking clearly, you'll be able to make better decisions.
How To Use The Power Of Silence After A Breakup
The no contact rule and the radio silence technique are two of the most well-known methods to use silence to your advantage after a breakup. Although both methods are often linked to the silent treatment, they are different in their intent and approach.
The silent treatment is commonly used to punish or coerce a romantic partner. No contact and radio silence are breakup recovery methods designed to help with reconciliation or to let go of a broken relationship.
The No Contact Rule
The no contact rule involves cutting off communication with an ex for a period of time. You resolve not to text, call or see them and during this time, you focus on healing and personal development.
You become a better version of yourself through no contact while allowing your ex's negative feelings towards you to fade. This increases your chances of getting them back.
If you aren’t interested in rekindling things, no contact is an effective way to process your emotions, learn from your mistakes and set yourself up for success in a new relationship.
The Radio Silence Technique
Radio silence is when you disappear off the face of the planet. You block your ex on social media and make it impossible for them to see or contact you.
This method requires you to go to extremes to avoid your ex and mutual friends. You have to switch up your schedule or change your routine to make it difficult for your ex to bump into you accidentally.
You also have to resist sharing posts on social media as they may somehow get back your ex and render your efforts futile. The key is to make it difficult for your ex to find out anything about you.
In addition to making your ex miss you, your sudden absence is meant to pique their curiosity and frustrate them into reaching out. Again, this might increase your chances of getting back together. Even if you’re set on moving on, radio silence is a great way to avoid your ex completely and speed up the healing process.
The Difference Between Radio Silence And No Contact
The radio silence technique and the no-contact rule share a lot of similarities. Both methods use the power of silence to either get an ex back or move on. Although they are often used interchangeably, there are some strategic differences between them.
With radio silence, you deny an ex access to you. Your intent might be to pique their curiosity or get them to miss you. Contrastingly, your intention might be to move on and protect yourself from them if they pose a danger to your physical or mental health.
With no contact, the intent is to cease or limit contact with an ex while actively working on yourself. Unlike radio silence, your ex still has access to you via social media or through mutual friends. They’re able to keep tabs on you.
In some cases, this can actually be a good thing. You can use your ex's curiosity to your advantage and indirectly shift their perception of you. This shift in perception, together with the changes you’re making, may facilitate reconciliation.
How Long Should You Stay Silent After A Breakup?
Your period of silence will depend on your situation and your intentions. If you're trying to move on from a toxic, abusive or narcissistic relationship, an indefinite period of radio silence may be the only way to protect yourself and aid the healing process.
On the other hand, you might want to put your relationship behind you. In both cases, silence is a powerful tool for moving on. If you hope to get your ex back, experts recommend no contact for anywhere between 30 and 90 days before using limited contact to re-establish a connection.
If your relationship ends badly, you might need a more extended no-contact period. It’s vital to ensure that you’ve given yourself and your ex enough time to heal.
Making contact too soon could result in your ex giving you the cold shoulder. You might open up old wounds and cause each other more pain. For this reason, periods of six months or even a year aren’t unusual.
Does Silence Make Your Ex Come Back?
Unfortunately, the only thing that will make your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend come back is if they want to come back. Silence after a breakup definitely increases the likelihood of them missing you or reconsidering the split. However, it doesn’t always translate into them coming back to you.
Your ex might turn to a rebound relationship to escape their conflicting emotions. They might string you along or keep you around as a backup plan. Worse yet, they might just stick to their decision and respond to your efforts with complete silence.
Silence Is The Best Revenge
While you might be tempted to destroy their most prized positions or reveal all their dirty secrets to family members, the best revenge is to let them be.
Be the bigger person, respect their wishes and give them space. Focus on your healing and work on becoming the best version of yourself. Let your next romantic relationship find you whole and happy.
Somewhere along the line, your ex might realize you were the best thing to ever happen to them. Or, they could just carry on with life as though you never existed.
In the long run, you’ll be better off no matter what.