We all know attraction is subjective. What I like in a guy is going to be miles apart from what you like.
What that barista from your local coffee shop is into is most likely going to be different from what your chronically naked downstairs neighbor likes, unless of course, they're the same guy, then he probably has some particular tastes.
In light of that, knowing there's such a vast world of beautiful people out there, some of which are potential partners, and all with different interests, relationship goals, and preferences, it can be pretty hard to navigate what kind of people you're attracting and how to put your best foot forward in finding the type of man you would want to have a serious relationship with.
So to give you a little helping hand in cracking the code of what some of the real stand-up guys are looking for in a woman, I went ahead and asked them and this is what they came back with
- Aligned Family Values
- Sense of Humor
- Emotional Maturity
- Physical Appearance
- Emotional Support
- Real Companionship
I also asked my boyfriend what men look for in a woman, and I kid you not this man looked me dead in the face and says "Can fly airplanes". I'd like it on record that I do not in fact know how to fly an airplane, and I'll get back to you when I figure out where on earth that reply came from.
Even still, I'm going to give that to you as an example that some people's expectations of their partners just straight up cannot be met, so don't get too down on yourself if your guy wakes up on a random Tuesday asking you to enroll in an aviation school.
Moving on from that little detour, let's get into the nitty-gritty of what real men have said they tend to look for in a woman by breaking down both the characteristics of these sought after ladies and what a bunch of these men have said they're looking to gain from a solid, serious relationship with women.
Aligned Family Values
An important factor to consider when dating is knowing where you stand with the future. Many men have expressed wanting to be on the same page when it comes to romantic relationships in regards to marriage, kids, and whatever else the future might hold. Whether that be having an ideal age you want to start a family, a certain idea of what family life would look like, or wanting to be childfree and scrap the whole weddings and fancy outfits tradition altogether.
Being on the same page and knowing they're heading in the same direction with the woman they're with, whatever page and direction that is, is a pretty big selling point for guys when they're long-term relationship hunting.
Sense of Humor
Who doesn't love having an abundance of inside jokes with their partner right? It's the purest form of human behavior we can muster when we use laughter and humor to build a happy relationship, it really solidifies the bond between two people and is all-round just a great quality and attractive trait to have.
This is probably one of the most common answers to this question from men, they just cannot live without that endless stream of banter. Of course, humor is subjective which is why it's key to have a matching absurdity with someone else or risk the awkwardness of a silent stare as you show them your TikTok edit of the Pringles man dancing on a stripper pole. Yes, that's a personal story, no I don't want to talk about it, yes I stand by the video as top-tier humor. Moving on.
I mean, everyone should have ambitions, be it academic or career-wise or even just within your own hobbies. No longer are women brought up to be solely purveyors of delicious meals and shiny floors. I mean if that is a woman's ambition then all power to her! But the point is, ambition of any kind, especially the self-sustaining independence of a confident woman, is a really attractive trait to guys in our modern age.
Real decent guys are always going to be looking for a woman that's doing her best to create a happy life for herself, and live it to the fullest. They want a potential partner to support them in their goals as they support you in yours, a harmonious flow of being a happy addition to each other's lives.
Maybe a kind of tough one to hear if you find yourself relating to some of the points in this category.
Emotional stability and maturity from both partners are super important if you're entering into a serious relationship, it's pretty vital that you can communicate your needs and problems in a healthy way without going down a more toxic path.
Men and women and anyone in between can be guilty of emotionally immature behavior, but in asking men what personality traits they value the most in the women they want to date this was pretty high on the list.
Things like giving the 'silent treatment', not telling him what's bothering you when he's asking or certain behaviors like flirting with other guys to make him mad or jealous can really turn the actual good guys off.
Communication and leveling with your guy is always the way to go, a good guy is going to want to talk things out with you in a healthy way and won't need to play any kind of guessing game to fix things with you.
Another very subjective point for sure, but no one can deny that physical attractiveness is important when you're looking for potential mates. It matters to everyone to some degree or another and has actually been proven to be equally important to both men and women.
So it's no surprise that men want to find an attractive woman that has the physical qualities they're into. Physical attraction is going to differ from person to person, one might be into the larger framed lady with the curvaceous body shape, cute face, and trendy clothes while another might be into the more traditionally feminine woman in the style of flowy dresses, long hair and dainty jewelry.
A man is going to gravitate to the looks he's attracted to, and remember physical attractiveness isn't just varied from person to person, from country to continent to culture! From the United Kingdom to Zimbabwe all the way to the United States and Japan you'll find guys with a whole range of preferences so basically, there's always someone for everyone!
A successful relationship requires a deeper connection than a surface level label of 'boyfriend and girlfriend' and all the expectations that go along with that.
Thankfully as a society, we're moving away from the idea that men can't or shouldn't show emotions, and a whole bunch of men have come out to say that it is really important for them to feel heard, be able to be vulnerable and exist as their true self in their relationships.
They don't want to feel like they can't ever share their burdens or talk about their feelings, and I for one am glad we're moving away from the idea that men should grit their teeth and push everything down.
Men like compliments too! I can't count the number of times I've heard from my guy friends that one girl came up to them in school or in a bar and told them they looked nice and they would quite literally think about that compliment for years to come, purely because it meant so much to them to get a genuine compliment and it made them feel great.
If he's telling you how much of a beautiful woman you are, I can guarantee he wants to be told how handsome he looks too. Get two people in a room with attractive faces, great style, or impressive smarts, have them compliment the hell out of each other and I can tell you right now there will be a whole lot of smiles and confidence boosts, who doesn't want that?!
A successful relationship requires a deeper connection than a surface-level label of 'boyfriend and girlfriend' and all the expectations that go along with that.
A good few of the men I asked about this said they truly valued the element of friendship inside of a romantic relationship, having that deep bond with someone that goes beyond lust or convenience is the real driving force that really makes long-term relationships work.
I mean, if you're going to spend your life with someone, you want them to be the person you would trust with anything, the one that knows all there is to know about you and really, the person that makes your life that much more enjoyable.
Your partner should be your best friend, which means a happy relationship is going to be built on creating all kinds of connections with each other, sharing interests, and having meaningful experiences and conversations.
In the words of the men that suggested this, it has to be more than a superficial display of happiness on social media, having no real depth of conversation outside of affectionate exchanges of love, and never actually doing anything together that would increase your friendship with each other.
The bottom line is, you should really just strive to be your true self and a guy will come along that is exactly what you are looking for, as you will be to him.
If you're still struggling in figuring out what men are really looking for in women (which I hope you're not because that would reflect pretty badly on me) then I'd just like to point out that the majority of the things I've listed here are traits of independence, kindness, maturity, and individuality. Things most people already have, and things that any well-rounded, good person wants for their love life.
When you break it down, it isn't all as complicated as it seems. You definitely don't need to be any sort of relationship expert to know that healthy, non-toxic men and women on the hunt for a serious relationship are going to be looking for personality traits and behaviors like these, and of course, reciprocating them in return!