He looks at you like you mean the world to him, but he won't take the next step. You spend so much time together, yet he won't make things official. The chemistry between you is off the charts, so you can't help but wonder why he won't make a move.
Things to know
- He may not be making a move because he is unsure if you are interested or fears rejection.
- He may be trying to get to know you better before making a move or values building a friendship first.
- He may be shy, not interested or concerned about making things awkward.
Before you pull your hair out in frustration, you might want to consider a few things. Here's what we'll be looking at:
- 8 Reasons Why He's Not Made A Move Yet
- How Do I Tell If He's Interested?
- Should I Make The First Move?
- How Do I Encourage Him To Make A Move?
8 Reasons Why He's Not Made A Move Yet
He's a free agent, so why won't he make a move already? Here's why he might be dragging his feet:
He's missing the signs
There's a chance he’s cautious about making a move because he’s unsure if you’re interested. It's more difficult for men to read nonverbal cues than it is for women.
In fact, men are better at interpreting nonverbal cues from other men than from women, and they're also more likely to mistake friendship signals for something more.
He fears rejection
If you've ever talked yourself out of confessing your feelings, you'll understand just how daunting the prospect of rejection can feel. Because rejection is processed similarly to physical pain, we're naturally inclined to avoid it.
If he feels like the odds of you turning him down are pretty high, that might be the main reason he's not making a move
He has a plan
If he hasn't made a move yet, he might have something up his sleeve. Perhaps he has an elaborate plan to sweep you off your feet. Maybe he wants to woo you the old-fashioned way.
He’s trying to get to know you
Beyond attraction and factors like physical intimacy, lasting relationships have higher levels of compatibility. He may want to get to know you better before taking the plunge.
You wouldn't want to discover that your lives are going in opposite directions when you're in deep. Given that a lack of compatibility is one of the three leading causes of break-ups, it's wise to establish if you're a great match before things get serious.
He values friendship
Studies confirm that romantic relationships formed from a foundation of friendship are more satisfying. If he’s looking for something long-term, he might try to establish a solid friendship with you first.
He doesn’t want to make things awkward
If you're already great friends, he may not want to risk making things awkward by making a move—especially if he isn't sure that you like him. Perhaps you have mutual friends or know one another's family members.
The same goes for if you work together. Workplace romances can be exciting, but they can get messy, too. He might be reluctant to make a move if he feels things could get awkward at work.
If he's shy, he's probably not good at expressing himself. He might be nervous and awkward around you. If you've hung out a few times, he might even seem withdrawn. Shy guys tend to balk under pressure or second guess themselves when they like a woman.
He’s just not interested
If he won't take things to the next level, maybe he's just not that into you (sorry).
How Do I Tell If He's Interested?
Well, if he's doing any of the following things, he might be interested:
His body language
While we all use nonverbal communication differently, there are common cues to look out for that can tell you about a person’s feelings and intentions.
Next time you're together, pay attention to his body language. When a man likes you, he'll light up, become more animated, and seem happy to be around you. If he seems to match your facial expressions or gestures, he’s unconsciously trying to make a connection.
Other subconscious signs of attraction include touching and intense eye contact. If he's doing any of the above, that's a clear sign he thinks you're an attractive woman.
He spends all his time with you
If you’re progressively seeing more of him, that’s a pretty good sign that he enjoys your company. An even stronger indication of interest is the time he reserves for you. Do you hang out over weekends? If you do, he’s probably turning down a lot of plans to be with you.
If he wants to be more than just a guy friend, he'll take financial responsibility for all your plans too. The fact that he is being a gentleman and treating you like a priority suggests that it's only a matter of time before he makes the first move.
He makes excuses to see you
Does he randomly stop by because he was in the area? Does he volunteer to drive you to the grocery store or help you with other mundane things? Maybe you’re running into him everywhere lately. It’s no coincidence; he’s intentionally seeking you out. Making excuses to see you could be his way of testing the waters before making the first move.
He's always texting you
It’s no secret that most men hate texting. They prefer to keep it short and sweet, so if he's texting paragraphs, he’s doing it because he really likes you. Also, pay close attention to how he texts you. Is he engaged? Is he asking you lots of questions? If he seems eager to keep the conversation going for hours, he genuinely likes you.
We filter ourselves less over text. There’s something about not being in someone’s presence that gives us the courage to express ourselves. If he’s a little reserved around you but flirty over text or social media, he’s interested. He might find it easier to let his guard down and show you how much he likes you via text.
He's always willing to help
When you need help, does he drop everything to be there for you? If he does things he doesn't seem to do for anyone else, you're special to him. Watch out for little things like getting the door or walking you across the parking lot to your car. These are all subtle displays of affection.
His attention to detail is impeccable
A guy who remembers every little detail you share with him is emotionally invested, and high levels of emotional investment point to romantic interest. You wouldn't be taking up such a large part of his mental real estate if he wasn't interested in you.
Should I Make The First Move?
The jury is split on this one. While it's not uncommon for women to take the lead, some experts advise against it. They argue that by making the first move, you'll never know if a man is genuinely into you.
Starting a new relationship with that kind of insecurity lingering in the back of your mind might spell trouble for you down the road.
Modern dating advice will tell you to take charge of your love life and start going after the things (and people) you like. Apparently, waiting for a guy to make the first move is so last season.
What matters most is what you're comfortable with. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
If he's shy, you might need to go for it
The prospect of telling you how he feels might cause him extreme anxiety if he's shy. So if you really like him and find his shy side endearing, let him know how you feel.
Keep in mind that if he's shy, being confronted by the woman he likes might be very stressful. Instead, work your way up to telling him. Flirt with him or drop major hints that you're into him, and see how he responds.
Men love the chase
Men like a challenge—the chase is thrilling for them. By making the first move, you could take the excitement out of the entire process. Let's face it, if you're a hopeless romantic at heart, taking the lead will dampen the experience for you, too. Hold off on any big moves for now, and let him pursue you.
He might grow complacent
If he doesn't have to make an effort, he might take it as the standard for the relationship. There's a risk he'll grow complacent and stop pursuing you altogether. If you're the type of woman who loves romantic gestures, you might end up resenting his lack of initiative.
How Do I Encourage Him To Make A Move?
Realizing that you're interested might be the green light he's been waiting for. Here's how to show him you're interested:
Pay him a few compliments
A few compliments might nudge him in the right direction. At the very least, he'll know you find him attractive. Being praised for his efforts is also likely to increase his confidence. And this might give him the courage to make a move.
Tell him you enjoy spending time with him
Telling him how much you enjoy spending time with him might get him to realize that you like him, too. If he realizes he's not in the friend zone, making a move might not seem so daunting.
Match his energy
If he's always initiating communication, match his energy by texting, calling, or making plans with him first. Once he's sure that he isn't imagining things, he might step up and make a move.