Is he so smitten that he doesn't want anyone else to have you?
Could a loving, committed relationship be on the cards? Before you delete all your dating apps or pick out a dress, you want to be sure you aren't imagining things.
Maybe you're on the fence about things. Perhaps he's giving you mixed signals, and something feels 'off ' about your relationship. Is it love or a toxic situation? Worse still, could you have a narcissist on your hands?
To help you figure it out, we'll be looking at the following issues:
- How Do You Know If A Man Is Emotionally Attached?
- Signs He Doesn't Want Anyone Else To Have You
- What Makes A Man Commit To A Woman?
- Signs A Narcissist Doesn’t Want Anyone To Have You
- He Doesn't Want Anyone Else to Have You - Now What?
When he truly doesn't want anyone else to have you, he'll make his intentions known.
How Do You Know If A Man Is Emotionally Attached?
Emotional attachment is the draw we feel towards those who provide us with a sense of comfort, protection, and validation. Healthy emotional attachment fulfills our emotional needs and allows us to enjoy benefits such as increased well-being and quality of life.
The signs of healthy emotional attachment include feeling close and connected to someone, trusting them, and feeling secure in their presence. When an emotional attachment is positive and balanced, sustaining meaningful and healthy relationships is possible.
Couples who share a healthy emotional attachment are interdependent. This means they can meet their own emotional needs and lean on each other for support during tough times.
Unhealthy emotional attachments lack balance. A person will rely on their partner for emotional support but fail to reciprocate. Eventually, this takes a mental and emotional toll on their partner.
While it's important for him to be emotionally attached, you need to feel the same way for your relationship to thrive. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Do you feel safe in his presence?
- Can you be yourself around him?
- Do you trust him?
- Do you see a future with him?
If you answered yes to three or more of these questions, you're emotionally attached. Here's how to tell if he's emotionally attached:
He's present and engaged
If he's present and engaged around you, he's emotionally attached to you. Giving you his undivided attention is a powerful sign that you mean a lot to him.
When a man is emotionally attached to you, he is more likely to venture out of his comfort zone. Because he trusts you, he'll share his vulnerabilities, fears, and hopes with you.
If he's emotionally attached to you, he'll express his affection in different ways. He might affirm you with kind words, buy you gifts, or opt to spend quality time with you.
He makes an effort
The effort he puts into your relationship is directly related to his emotional attachment. If he's emotionally invested, he'll call, make plans, and text you. When he sees you as a long-term romantic partner, he'll pay attention to the little things too.
He talks about the future
If he talks about the future and you're in it, he's emotionally attached. Look out for other signs like actively making space for you and adapting his life to better suit your relationship.
Signs He Doesn't Want Anyone Else To Have You
When it comes to deciphering a man's true intentions, actions definitely speak louder than words. Here are a few signs he doesn't want anyone else to have you:
He wants to take up most of your free time
One of the biggest signs a man is smitten is that he wants to be around you all the time. He'll take you out on dates and make random excuses to see you. If he thinks you're a catch, he won't want anyone to snap you up. He'll make sure you spend most of your free time with him.
It's flattering when someone wants to spend all their time with you, but healthy relationships require partners to prioritize alone time. Spending all your time together could result in a codependent relationship. So, make sure you're getting enough time to yourself as well.
He's excited to spend time with you
When you're together, pay attention to his demeanor and attitude. A man who doesn't want anyone else to have you (for all the right reasons) will be excited to spend time with you. A man with sinister intentions will only ever show interest if he feels threatened or if he thinks you could be moving on.
Does he ignore you for days and then mysteriously resurface when he knows you've made new plans with a male friend or potential romantic interest? If he does, that's a bad sign. He isn't looking for a serious relationship, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you.
He texts you first and often
When he simply can't get enough of you, his behavior will filter into his texting and social media habits, too.
He might add you to all his social media accounts and keep the conversation going there as well. If you're exchanging text messages back and forth, you won't have time to entertain other people—which is exactly what he wants.
While you're enjoying all the extra attention, look out for warning signs like jealousy or controlling behaviors. It's normal to want to keep in touch with loved ones. However, the average person wouldn't demand that their beloved check in with them at 30-minute intervals.
Such extreme behaviors aren't romantic; they're concerning. They tend to point to abusive or narcissistic traits. How does he react when you don't text him back for a few hours? Does he get moody or subject you to the silent treatment? These are all major red flags.
He keeps his promises
An obvious sign that you mean the world to him is if he keeps his word. A man who's interested in a long-term relationship will want to show you he's trustworthy. He understands that if he makes you feel safe, you're more likely to stay by his side.
When he makes plans with you, he won't disappoint you at the last minute. He'll follow through and do exactly as promised. You can count on him to be consistent with his words and actions.
If he's flaky and never follows through, he's got other priorities. He's probably trying to manipulate you by telling you what you want to hear. Remember, genuine intentions are always followed by consistent effort.
He makes his intentions known
When he truly doesn't want anyone else to have you, he'll make his intentions known. You won't have to wonder where you stand with him. He'll want to put a label on things to show you how serious he is.
Whether it's making you his girlfriend or his wife, his desire to be in a committed relationship is a telltale sign he doesn't want to risk losing you. If his intentions are genuine, his actions will line up.
If he's neglectful, evasive, and self-absorbed, he's keeping you around for selfish reasons. Trapping you in an unsatisfying one-sided relationship is his way of making sure no one else can have you.
If he's giving you excuses about how he needs time to 'figure things out' but still wants to enjoy the benefits of having you around, he doesn't love you, but he doesn't want anyone to have you either.
If you both want different things, it could become a toxic situation. It's advisable to rethink things and find someone who wants the same things out of a relationship.
He treats you like a priority
Treating you like a priority goes beyond spending time with you. If he truly cares, he'll want to maintain healthy communication with you. He won't want anything to jeopardize your relationship.
Even when you have disagreements, he'll want to resolve the issues amicably. Only paying you attention when he wants something is one of the biggest signs that he's just using you.
In fact, if he isn't that interested in you, he'll wait for you to initiate conversations and make plans. He might also be dismissive and preoccupied when you're together.
He wants to please you
Casual relationships are often marked by selfishness. If he is thoughtful and attentive to your needs, this is a clear sign he loves you and wants you all to himself. A man who is in it for the long term will go out of his way to meet your needs.
He won't allow the passion to fizzle out or the emotional connection between you to fade. He'll exhibit high levels of consistent emotional investment and be there when you need him.
If he only makes an effort when he thinks you're slipping away or losing interest, he's only in it for what he can get and nothing more. He sees you as a means to an end and doesn't want anyone else getting in the way of that.
He wants to be a part of your life
Someone who only wants a fling won't bother getting to know you or the people in your life. Contrastingly, someone who sees you as serious relationship material will want to build a strong emotional bond with you and get to know what makes you tick.
They'll be interested in every little detail about you. Everything—from your daily life to your career and even your past relationships will fascinate them. They'll make an effort to get to know your family members and friends, too.
They'll also include you in their life and introduce you to the people that matter to them. If he's doing any of the above, he's in deep and doesn't want anyone else to have you.
He wants to protect you
A man who loves you and wants to be in a committed relationship with you wants to be able to protect you. Be it your emotional or physical well-being; he'll want to know that you're taken care of.
Knowing that he can meet your needs appeals to his innate hero instinct. According to its proponents, the hero instinct is the drive all men feel to provide for those they care about.
A man wants to earn your respect and feel appreciated. Doing so gives him purpose and amplifies his feelings for you. Even science confirms that men's testosterone levels make them feel protective over their mates' well-being and safety.
What Makes A Man Commit To A Woman?
One of the best ways to know that he doesn't want anyone else to have you is if he commits to you. This could mean making things official; it could even be a big step, like marrying you.
If he truly loves you, the worst thing that could happen is losing you to someone else. But what makes a man commit to a woman? While the exact reasons may be difficult to determine, here are a few clues:
He shares a deep connection with you
When a man feels a deep emotional connection to you, he's more likely to commit. If he feels accepted and valued and if he can laugh, cry and just do life with you, he won't want to let you go.
A strong emotional connection encourages intimacy. It also guarantees that you'll be able to support each other through life's trials—which is exactly what partnership is about.
He feels safe with you
Men value their independence, so they usually decide to commit based on how relaxed and comfortable they are with a woman.
Much like women, men want to know that their partner values them for who they are. Men also want to know that they can be themselves. This provides them with a sense of security.
Men feel safe when they know they can express themselves and be appreciated for their masculine traits. This is why they love it when women can trigger their hero instinct.
He can trust you
Successful relationships require a continuous investment of resources like time, energy, and even money. With so much at stake, it's no surprise that men also value consistency and trustworthiness. Both qualities are associated with trust: one of the key determinants of a satisfying long-term relationship.
At the end of the day, he's looking for a companion and life partner. If he feels you share the same values and outlook on life, he'll be more willing to take the plunge. Compatibility is a pretty broad term, but if he feels that you 'get' each other on a personal, sexual and emotional level, he might be more inclined to commit.
He isn't a commitment-phobe
It's perfectly normal to exercise a bit of caution when making life-changing decisions. A man who isn't scared of commitment will usually want to make sure he's settling down with the right person.
It takes the average person six months to decide if they want to marry someone. For some men and women, it might take longer.
If he's a commitment-phobe, the prospect of being tied down scares him. He might have serious commitment issues due to childhood trauma or past relationships that ended badly.
When pressed about his reluctance to commit, he might get defensive or dismiss the discussion altogether. Unfortunately, nothing anyone says or does will change his mind if he isn't ready to deal with his issues head-on.
Signs A Narcissist Doesn’t Want Anyone To Have You
What if he doesn't want anyone to have you, not because he genuinely loves and cares about you, but because he insists on playing mind games with you? Then you might be dealing with a narcissist.
A narcissist has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Individuals with NPD:
- Have an excessive need for admiration
- Lack empathy
- Have an inflated sense of self-importance
- Have a sense of entitlement
- Are highly exploitative
- Exhibit arrogant or haughty behaviors
- Are envious of others
- Are preoccupied with fantasies of brilliance
- See themselves as superior
If you're dealing with a narcissistic man, he sees you as an object. He'll seek to control you for personal gain. Because he wants to exploit you, he'll resort to manipulation to make sure he has you all to himself. Here are key signs that a narcissist doesn't want anyone to have you:
He’ll 'love bomb' you
Narcissists use love bombing to reel their victims in. Love bombing describes a pattern of over-the-top attention and gestures. It can also include overly indulgent statements like, "We're soulmates" or "You're everything I've ever wanted."
If you've only known each other for a few weeks, such behaviors and comments are red flags. These statements serve to speed up the relationship and put pressure on you to take on a certain role.
He might shower you with lavish gifts or getaways to get you to lower your reservations. He might also try to make you financially dependent on him. This often looks a lot like buying you expensive items or offering to help you cover expenses like rent.
It's not uncommon for a narcissistic partner to sabotage your ability to take care of yourself. This is usually done by getting you to neglect your responsibilities. If he's scheduling 'surprise' romantic getaways during the work week or trying to assume total financial responsibility for you, run.
He’ll blow hot and cold
When you're dealing with a narcissistic man, the excessive use of flattery, attention, and gifts in the early stages of the relationship is short-lived. Controlling behaviors, aggression, guilt-tripping, and other forms of emotional abuse soon follow.
It's an unmistakable psychological switch that can leave you scared and confused. This behavior tends to continue throughout the course of your relationship, keeping you trapped in a cycle of love bombing and abuse.
Pay attention to how he behaves when he doesn't get his way. Is he aggressive? Is he emotionally manipulative? Does he try to make you feel responsible for his extreme mood swings? If he does, these are major warning signs of a highly toxic relationship.
He’ll try to isolate you
When a narcissist doesn't want anyone to have you, he'll isolate you. At first, it might seem romantic that he wants to spend all his time with you. You may even find his constant need to check up on you romantic.
However, these are typical signs that he's trying to strip you of your autonomy and isolate you. Eventually, he'll expect you to give up your hobbies and interests. Then, he'll condition you to avoid making plans with your loved ones by threatening you or becoming withdrawn.
He’ll belittle you
What better way to make sure no one else can have you than to crush your confidence and leave you questioning your self-worth? After love bombing you, a narcissistic man will belittle and mistreat you. This is known as the devaluation stage and is quite typical of narcissistic relationships.
When prince charming suddenly turns into a beast, you can't help but wonder what you did wrong. Eventually, you may start to overcompensate or disregard your own needs just to get things back to the way they were.
This sets the stage for gaslighting and other forms of manipulation to occur. The end result is low self-esteem and the belief that you just aren't good enough for him — or anyone else.
He’ll gaslight you
If he constantly denies saying or doing things and makes you out to be 'crazy', he's using a tactic known as gaslighting. Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic that will leave you questioning your own perception of reality.
It's an insidious tactic meant to wear you out and destabilize you. When you can't make sense of what's real and what isn't, he'll have you right where he wants you: doubting yourself and unable to seek help from anyone else.
He’ll refuse to let you go
When you finally decide to call it quits with a narcissist, they'll resort to all kinds of underhanded tactics to stop you from leaving. So, this might look like him begging you for another chance and pretending to be the loving person you first met.
Unfortunately, this never lasts long. He'll keep up the act for a week or two only to revert to his old ways. He could take a different approach and try to guilt you out of walking away. In addition to bringing up your mistakes or shortcomings, he might use them to convince you to forgive him.
If you don't give in to his emotional manipulation tactics, he might resort to hostile and threatening behaviors.
It's not uncommon for narcissists to humiliate their exes or destroy their reputations. Being rejected might push him to make a scene at your workplace or embarrass you on social media. If he can't have you, no one else can. This leads us to the next warning sign.
He’ll try to sabotage your relationships
The reason narcissists take any attempts to break up with them so badly is that they want to end relationships on their terms. Even when they end things, hanging around and causing their exes grief is part of their sick game.
To a narcissistic man, you are nothing but a possession. He simply wishes to use you to meet his needs and stroke his ego. The day you can no longer meet his needs, or when he finds his next victim, he'll discard you without a second thought.
But here's the thing: he might hang around just to sabotage your relationships. He doesn't want you, and he doesn't want anyone to have you either.
When you think you're finally picking up the pieces of your life, he'll turn up just to harass you. This might even look like wanting to be friends or even trying to seduce you. He might even resort to telling potential love interests all kinds of lies about you to scare them off.
He Doesn't Want Anyone Else to Have You - Now What?
Now that you know he doesn't want anyone else to have you, what should you do about it? If he's a great guy and you don't want anyone else to have him either, simply allow your connection to grow. Match his energy and focus on strengthening your bond.
If he's exhibiting toxic behaviors or you suspect he's a narcissist, eliminate all contact and seek professional help.