I've Never Been In Love... Is That Normal?

We've all seen that movie scene where a couple reunites and confesses their love for each other. They kiss and proclaim they "can't live without each other," and we feel the heat of their passion through the screen.

Many of us see these scenes and desperately wish we'd have the same thing in our own lives. Falling in love with someone can be truly amazing, so understandably, we want to experience it.

If you've never experienced that movie scene romance, you might think you've never been in love. But is that true? And if it is, is it weird?

Things to know

  • The first thing you need to realize is that movie romance isn't real. So, you might benefit if your expectations and perceptions of love come down from the clouds.
  • You might not have ever been in love if you can't remember ever being heartbroken or imagining your future with someone.
  • It's really common for people not to have romantic connections if they spent their youth focusing on work, if they're aromantic or asexual, or if they have issues relating to intimacy and commitment.

We can find out if you've ever been in love, as there are some fundamental signs. We'll also look at some possible explanations for why love hasn't found you yet. Here's what we'll cover:

Is It Weird That I've Never Been In Love?

If you watch the latest television shows or stream cute rom-coms on Netflix, you've probably witnessed love at first sight or hot and steamy romance stories between characters. Even social media makes us believe that romantic love is the end all, be all.

You may be thinking, "what if I've never been in a relationship like that?" Is there something wrong with me?" Or, you may wonder if a relationship status is really all we make it out to be.

Here's the thing: real love isn't what we see on television or social media. The sooner you realize that, the better off your life will be.

Changing your mindset around love might be the key that unlocks the door to a loving relationship for you.

Society makes us believe that your lack of a love life is abnormal. But being single or never falling in love isn't weird at all. It's more common than you might think!

Studies show that approximately 4 out of 10 adults in their 20s and 30s are not currently living with a romantic partner in the United States. Furthermore, nearly 20 percent of these single people say they've never been in love before.

It turns out that finding the loving relationship we all dream of is more elusive than everyone thinks.

In many cases, young adults focus more on other aspects of their lives, like building their careers or spending time with best friends. And you know what, that's okay! The important thing isn't whether you're in a relationship or not — what matters is that you're happy.

Signs That You've Never Been In Love

Sometimes, people assume that because they haven't experienced butterflies and deep love with another person, they've never been in love. However, not all love feels the same way. There are some key signs you can look for to find out if you've never been in love.

1. You’ve never experienced a broken heart.

When people date, they often go through at least one lousy breakup that leaves them with a broken heart. However, if you've dated several people and never experienced that type of heartache, you may have never actually been in love with any of those past boyfriends or girlfriends.

Some people's hearts ache over crushes who don't love them back. If you've never felt that either, chances are even higher that you've never been in love.

2. You have never connected with someone and imagined a future with them.

When people fall in love, they often picture what their future will look like with the man or woman they're dating. If you're going through the motions with modern dating and not imagining a future with anyone, then you've probably never been in love.

3. You’ve never cared about what people you went on dates with are doing.

Real romance isn't necessarily an obsession. However, when you really care about someone, you usually wonder what they're doing when you don't hear from them for a while or see something that reminds you of them. If you've never really sat and thought about what significant others or dates are doing, then you've probably never been in love with them.

4. You’ve never introduced a date to friends or family.

Introducing a significant other to friends and family is another big step people take in serious relationships. Obviously, you'd never do this with a one-night stand or even on the third or fourth date. However, you would do this with someone with whom you felt a genuine connection.

So whether you've had one relationship or a dozen, if you've never once intentionally introduced your partner to your loved ones, you've probably never been in love.

5. You don’t spend time daydreaming about people.

Butterflies in your stomach and daydreams when you're bored are usually the types of fairy tale romances we see in movies. However, this is of the key signs you're in love. Even silly little high school crushes often daydream about each other. So if you haven't, it's yet another sign you've never loved someone romantically.

6. Your feelings start to fade as you get to know a date.

Many men and women find the people they date more attractive the more they get to know them. That's because love isn't purely physical — it's about appreciating someone inside and out.

If you don't feel romantic love towards someone, you may not find their qualities or sense of humor endearing but more of a turn-off. If that's the case, then you probably don't love them. And if this happens every time you date someone, then you've likely never been in love at all.

7. You’ve never felt compelled to say, “I love you,” to someone.

Those three words carry a lot of weight. However, when people genuinely feel like they've met the right person, those words seem to come out effortlessly. If you've never felt compelled to say them or tried to avoid saying them back to a significant other, you've probably never truly been in love.

Why Do Some People Never Find Love?

You may assume that if you've never found love, you're just broken and destined to be alone for the rest of your life. However, there are several reasons why some people never find the love they're looking for.

1. They aren’t ready for love.

Sometimes, people don't find love because they aren't ready for it. Some people have certain goals they want to meet first. Others just aren't willing to sacrifice the life they have for the sake of a relationship.

Furthermore, this lack of readiness can also be subconscious, making it even more complicated because some people don't realize they aren't ready and get in their own way of finding love.

2. They’re aromantic.

In some situations, it's not just that a person isn't ready for love right now, but rather they aren't interested in romantic love at all. They may not even know it, but there's a term for this: aromantic.

Essentially, an aromantic person has no interest or desire for romantic relationships. They don't have a personality disorder or underlying issue — they just don't desire that type of connection with others.

Similarly, some people take a long time to develop feelings for others. They feel like they need to really know someone before they can have a romantic relationship with them. These people are demiromantic.

3. They are too focused on other things.

Sometimes people may be looking for love while simultaneously prioritizing other things. It could be a career, college, or even just playing video games. Regardless, the point is that when you prioritize other things, finding love gets put on the back burner.

Similarly, when people prioritize other things besides romance, it may turn potential lovers away. They may feel like they aren't getting enough attention or may not want to date a workaholic. Either way, focusing on other things could harm your odds of connecting with significant others.

4. They overthink love and relationships.

Sometimes, you may find the right person without realizing it or ignore the signs because you think it isn't the same as the love you've seen on television. When that happens, it's not that you haven't found love — you're just overthinking love and relationships.

Our brains can get in the way of our emotional responses. This prevents you from recognizing the love you feel towards someone or admitting your feelings to them. Over time, you may even convince yourself that you never found love.

Let Love Find You

No hard and fast rule says you must find the right person and fall in love for the first time by a certain age. There's also no rule that says you can't fall in love with multiple people during your lifetime.

Before you give up and think you're doomed to be alone forever, ask yourself if you truly want to find love. And, if you do, ask yourself if now is the right time to do so. If your answer to both of these is a resounding "yes," it's time to open your heart and let love find you.

It may take time, and you may need to do some things to work on your self-esteem and confidence. But, when you're ready and the time is right, love will find you — I'm sure of it.

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