Wondering how to make him obsessed with you? Not the obsession that makes you change your number or skip town. But that can't-get-enough-of-you type of love.
If you're craving a seriously addictive relationship with the special man in your life, look no further. A few simple changes and you can become the kind of woman he simply cannot resist.
Things to know
- Attractive people have CONFIDENCE. So, be yourself, be independent, and be self-assured.
- Accepting him for who he is can be a powerful quality. People want to feel celebrated and interesting - so try to make him feel like that. (If he's worthy of it!)
- Playing it cool is undeniably irresistible. Being slightly disinterested or preoccupied might help to draw him in initially - but don't stay that way forever.
Buckle up; here’s exactly what we’ll be looking at:
- What Makes A Man Obsessed With A Woman?
- How To Make Him Obsessed With You
- Making Him Obsessed Via Text
What Makes A Man Obsessed With A Woman?
What determines the depth of his attraction, connection, and attachment to you? Understanding these three things is a great place to start:
The stage of your relationship
The early stages of love are characterized by intense hormone-driven feelings. Because he's high on hormones such as dopamine and serotonin, the need to be with you is like an obsession.
He’ll spend all of his time thinking about you and how perfect you are. Being with you makes him feel amazing, euphoric even. So, he'll be driven to seek you out.
The physical attraction he feels for you will be at its peak, meaning he just won’t be able to keep his hands off you. Unfortunately, as your relationship matures, this obsession-like state will fade. But hey, if he sticks around past this stage, he’s definitely into you.
Your emotional connection
Nothing is more addictive than being seen, heard, and appreciated. It's not every day that you experience a connection that allows you to truly be yourself.
A strong emotional connection is not only something we long for; it’s something we need. Emotional intimacy is said to be the magic ingredient that keeps our relationships thriving.
If you share an emotional connection that makes him feel safe and loved, he's more likely to feel strongly drawn to you. He might even be a little obsessed. The great part about this type of ‘obsession’ is that it only gets stronger with time.
His attachment style
Attachment theory looks at how our early experiences with emotional attachment affect how we approach intimacy in our romantic relationships.
If he's got a secure attachment style, he's comfortable with intimacy. The idea of forming a close, meaningful relationship with you won't scare him. Generally, he'll be loving, trusting, and emotionally available. He'll be all about you in a healthy and positive way.
If he's the anxious-preoccupied type, he's insecure and demanding. He'll be obsessed with you but in a draining, toxic way. If he’s avoidant, he prefers fleeting casual relationships that don't threaten his sense of freedom. He’ll be too busy trying to assert his independence to pay you any attention.
The Building Blocks To Make Him Obsessed
Maybe you've finally struck it lucky with online dating. Perhaps it's been a few months, and you want to shake things up. Whatever the case may be, here are the 14 steps to make him obsessed with you:
1. Be yourself
You're one of a kind. Don't dim your sparkle by pretending to be someone you're not. Chances are he'll find the real you a lot more interesting and relatable than a fake version.
It also isn't fair to let him fall for a persona that isn't you. That's deceptive. Plus, you wouldn't appreciate it if the roles were reversed.
If you're looking to build a lasting relationship, hiding your true self is unsustainable. As you fight to keep up the facade, your mental and emotional health will suffer. The quality of your relationship will deteriorate too.
Be vulnerable and introduce him to your true self. He'll feel encouraged to do the same, meaning you'll build a stronger connection.
2. Work on your relationship with yourself
Having a happy and healthy relationship with yourself is the first step to having a healthy relationship with someone else. You’ll find it difficult to be fully invested in a new relationship if you’re still hung up on the past. Working through emotional baggage is hard work, but it’s worth it.
To be the kind of woman he can’t get enough of, you’ve got to be confident and secure. Faking it won’t get you far. Nothing kills a relationship faster than insecurity and trust issues.
3. Practice self-acceptance
The secret to being secure and confident in yourself isn’t self-esteem; it’s self-acceptance. Building self-esteem is heavily dependent on external factors. You won't always have positive experiences or achieve your goals. People won’t always validate you, so you won't always feel good about yourself.
Self-acceptance, on the other hand, is a personal philosophy. It's about embracing your flaws, weaknesses, and failures and still being happy with who you are. It's a mindset that allows you to assert yourself and live a fuller life. It’s a shift from “ I’m worthy because of…” to “ I’m worthy in spite of…”
Self-acceptance isn’t ‘settling’ either. It’s a powerful way to free you from needing to be ‘perfect.’ When you aren’t being crushed by limiting beliefs, you’re encouraged to explore your strengths and motivated to work on your weaknesses.
The beauty of self-acceptance is that it teaches you to be compassionate and more accepting of others too — which is really helpful when you consider the next point.
4. Accept him for who he is
One of the best ways to make him feel loved and valued is to accept him for who he is. Acceptance isn’t about condoning toxic or abusive behavior. It's also not about tolerating him until the day you decide you’ve finally had enough. It’s about getting to a place where you aren't frustrated, angry, or resentful of who he is and how he does things.
True acceptance allows you to respect his beliefs and the fact that they're different from yours. It encourages you to see the best in him. Rather than trying to change him, you appreciate him and allow his unique perspective of the world to enhance your own. You make an effort to understand who he is and how his experiences have shaped the man he is today.
If you have trouble accepting who he is, a healthy, harmonious relationship won't be possible. Try not to focus on his weaknesses. Acknowledge his strengths and how they add to your life instead.
5. Allow him to maintain his independence
Men value their sense of independence. It’s one of the main reasons they tend to withdraw when a relationship starts to get serious. Reassure him that his sense of identity isn’t threatened by encouraging him to pursue his interests.
When he needs time out with his friends, resist the urge to guilt him out of it. Give him the green light. Time apart is just as important as time together.
Instead of stifling his self-development efforts, support him on his journey to become the best version of himself. Let’s be honest; you don't really want him to lose his sense of identity. It's what made you fall for him, after all.
6. Increase your self-awareness
Self-awareness is understanding your thoughts, emotions, and actions and being aware of how they affect other people. Higher levels of self-awareness form the basis for other good qualities such as sincerity and empathy. When you're self-aware, being kind and empathetic comes naturally to you.
A romantic partner should add to your happiness, not be responsible for it. Self-awareness allows you to understand this crucial difference. You won't place unrealistic demands on your boyfriend or blame him for your personal struggles.
7. Learn how to deal with your emotions
A key part of building a strong emotional connection is being able to deal with your emotions. The more in tune you are with your inner world, the more vulnerable and authentic you'll be.
Being able to deal with your emotions won’t just benefit you; it’ll make him feel more comfortable with being himself and sharing his feelings with you.
Knowing how to regulate your emotions makes you empathetic. It also makes you mindful of how you handle conflict. You're less likely to be reactive, meaning you'll reflect deeply before doing and saying things that could damage your relationship.
8. Be more attuned to his emotions
Sometimes, all he needs after a long day is a hug and a hot meal. While you might be tempted to drag every detail about his day out of him, try to be more perceptive of his body language.
Learn to recognize when he's in a good mood. Pay attention to the signs that he's stressed out and in need of extra care. Don’t underestimate the power of being more in tune with his emotions. He'll appreciate how thoughtful and considerate you are of his feelings.
Taking the time to understand how he wants to be loved allows you to show up for him in meaningful ways. Even little gestures like a surprise gift or making him his favorite treat when he's working on a deadline can make him feel loved and supported.
9. Make him feel good
Our brains are naturally wired to avoid negative experiences. The more threatened we feel by someone, the more motivated we are to avoid them. The opposite is true for people whose presence we enjoy. If he feels great each and every time he spends time with you, he simply won't be able to stay away.
You're an independent woman who knows exactly what she wants, and he appreciates that. While you’re perfectly capable of taking care of certain things yourself, make him feel needed. Don’t be shy to ask him for a favor. Pick his brain about something that’s important to you. You’ll supercharge his ego.
When you allow him to help you and add value to your life, you tap into his innate provider instincts. Let him know you appreciate his efforts, and he’ll keep looking for ways to make your life easier.
10. Give him your undivided attention
When real life catches up with us, our relationships are usually the first to suffer. Giving him your undivided attention is a great way to make him feel valued.
Instead of scrolling through social media when you’ve got a bit of extra time, put your phone away and encourage him to talk about his favorite things. Reminisce about fond childhood memories.
While small talk is great, too, use these moments to take your emotional connection to the next level with more meaningful conversations.
Don't be afraid to connect with him on an intellectual level too. Show him that you're a smart woman with insightful views and opinions. Research suggests that men consider intelligent women to be good long-term partners.
11. Play it cool
It's understandable that you want to spend every waking hour with him. He might feel the same way about you too. But, it's important for you to focus on your own life and encourage him to do the same.
Give him space, as well as the opportunity to miss you. You'll come across as emotionally secure as opposed to desperate or needy.
You don't want to rush things and risk burnout. You also don't want to push him away by being clingy or overbearing.
To build a strong foundation, you need to experience true love and a lasting relationship and play it cool. Being sincere about your feelings and intentions isn’t a bad thing. Just be sure to let your connection develop in a healthy way.
12. Take pride in your appearance
I'm sure you simply can't resist him when he's impeccably dressed and oozing sex appeal. Well, men are visual creatures, so the effect will be even stronger for him.
As women, our self-esteem is strongly tied to how we see ourselves in the mirror. If you think you look terrible, chances are you'll feel terrible. And that will have a knock-on effect on how you treat those around you. You'll start to feel insecure, and that can have a negative effect on your relationship.
While you might be tempted to be overly self-critical, try to be kind to yourself. When you look in the mirror, affirm yourself the way you would a good friend.
It's really not about chasing unrealistic beauty standards; it's about taking pride in your appearance and accentuating your best features. When you feel comfortable and sexy in your own skin, you’ll radiate confidence.
13. Treat him with respect
Treating him with respect means being mindful of his time, space, and feelings. Telling him how much better your ex was at doing certain things is hurtful and does nothing for your relationship.
He'll find it hard to be around someone who belittles him, makes comparisons, or embarrasses him in public. When you show him that you respect him, you'll inspire respect from him in return.
Avoid insults and personal attacks at all costs. Listen to him without being dismissive. Support him without passing judgment. Not only will he feel seen and understood, but he'll also feel comfortable sharing his innermost thoughts with you.
14. Show interest in his life
Make a little effort to get to know his friends and family better. Treat them with kindness and show them that you respect their position in his life. Your efforts are sure to have him glowing with pride. He won’t only think you’re a great catch; he'll consider you a great addition to his life.
Getting to know the people he cares about is just one part of expressing genuine interest. Be curious about his hobbies and interests too. Get him to talk about the things he's passionate about. Better still, make it a point to plan a few date nights around his interests. It’ll mean a lot to him.
Making Him Obsessed Via Text
Here's a quick hack, use texting and messaging to get things moving fast:
Come up with your own texting rhythm
Responding to texts immediately only makes you seem desperate. But, taking too long to respond gives the impression that you're not interested. Frankly, when it comes to building a lasting relationship, you're better off just skipping the texting games.
If you really want to set yourself apart from the competition and avoid all the typical awkwardness associated with texting, make an effort to understand his texting style. Be considerate of his expectations and come up with a comfortable texting rhythm.
Whenever you have something exciting planned, text him short teasers. You'll activate the reward center of his brain. He’ll learn to associate your texts with fun experiences. Every time his phone pings, his heart will race in anticipation. He won’t be able to resist the urge to check his messages.
Flirt with him
If you want to stay on his mind, flirty text messages are a surefire way to do so. Whether he's at work or about to turn in for the night, a bit of teasing or light-hearted banter will keep him keen.
You can never go wrong with a selfie or video, especially if you keep it tastefully sexy. A gym selfie or a snap of you looking fierce on your way to work is a fun way to capture your man’s attention. The occasional meme or funny text doesn’t hurt too. Men love a woman with a good sense of humor.