So, you’re talking to a new guy. Things are new, fresh, and exciting. Flirty texts are shooting back and forth, and there are no signs it'll stop.
The early stages of dating and romantic relationships are generally pretty perfect. You might call it the ‘honeymoon phase’. It’s a tough job trying to suss out if a guy is playing you or if he’s genuine, especially when you’re still getting to know each other.
That brings us to the question: would a player really be putting in the hours to text and talk to you on a daily basis?
The immediate instinct is to think, “No, why would a guy who’s only after sex invest so much time in me?” But this, unfortunately, is an assumption.
Like everything else in the world, there are layers to players.
The sad truth is that the guy you're wondering about might not be trying to get his money’s worth on an unlimited texting plan. So, let's dive into why a player might be texting you every day. Here's what we'll cover:
Reasons A Player Would Text You Everyday
He Loves The Attention
We'd all be lying if we said that we'd never texted someone we weren't really into. The attention feels great! It isn’t nice, I know, but I also know that we’ve all done it. What you might not know, however, is that it does fall into the category of player-esque behavior.
Not all players are outright skeeving. They're not all waiting for the opportunity to have their pants dropped around their ankles. This is a truly fatal misunderstanding that is important to clear up.
Like everything else in the world, there are layers to players. Sure, some guys are going through love interests faster than disposal vapes (and we’ll get into that later), but the sneakier player is the one that seems to invest emotionally.
These are the players who stay up till 4 am texting you about all their personal problems, hook you in emotionally, collect the compliments and sympathy (and probably your nudes) then disappears until 4 am the next day for their daily dose of attention.
This kind of player tends to be a primarily text or social media-based kind of guy. Those flirty texts and phone calls are coming from him every day, yes, but you’re not more than a passing thought in his actual daily life.
He’s got you booked in as a middle-of-the-night therapist, validator, compliment giver, and nude sender when the world is at its quietest and he needs an ego boost. These are the tricks of the attention-seeking player.
If you want to spot this guy, you need to keep an eye on when he’s texting you and what he’s saying. If it’s always long texts about himself, his personal matters, and his horniness with pretty much zero thought or questions about you as a person then that’s a pretty big red flag.
A player on the hunt for quick-fix attention isn’t going to be interested in you, your life, or your boundaries. The conversation is always going to focus on them and it’s always going to be at ungodly hours of the night when they have nothing else to do.
You’re On The Roster
If a player has a secret selection of uninformed love interests, then it’s reasonable to assume it’s not going to be much skin off their nose to text them every day to keep them all around.
I mean, think about it. This is the guy whose whole existence practically relies on how much sex he’s having and how many girls he’s having it with. It’s not a far cry to assume he will be glued to his phone (with his hand in his pants) while keeping the girls on the roster.
Daily texts, phone calls, and even double texting are probably not going to be too much of a price to pay on his end for keeping his hookups interested and willing to sleep with him. It’s only logical really.
But here’s the fatal flaw in the facade, if you have a steady group of women that you’re texting every single day; then the quality and personality of those texts are just not going to be A grade.
Next time you have a sneaking suspicion that you’re not the only lady in his daily DM’s, pay close attention to the quality of the messages. Are his replies short? Does he keep forgetting or mixing up specific details about you? Do you ever get weird messages that seem like they were for someone else?
It’s worth keeping an eye on the content too. A player can text you on a daily basis for sure. But are you really discussing everyday life, sharing personal matters, and enjoying each other's digital company? Or is every text an innuendo that ends with a wink emoji or a not-so-subtle suggestion that you need to drop into the STD clinic on your way back from work? Just something to think about.
He's Playing The Long Game
Even when a serious relationship is off the table for a potential player, it doesn’t mean they’re opposed to reeling you in and playing the long game.
Whether he’s in it for sex, attention, or anything in between, his motivations don’t take away from the fact that you’ve probably got some great traits that are attractive to even the skeeviest bunch.
Maybe you’re a downright smoke show, and while he has zero interest in starting up a committed relationship with you, he doesn’t quite want to let you go.
Alternatively, maybe you do have a vibe. You have mutual interests, great conversation, and even better sex. He just isn’t the commitment type but doesn’t want you to know that.
This will probably look like pretty consistent texting habits with you, long phone calls about life and embarrassing stories, flirty texts that somehow encapsulate inside jokes, and personal information about each other's lives.
By all accounts, you’re text messaging like a couple. It’s on a regular basis, and it’s the perfect balance between fun, intimate and sexual.
But here’s the catch. There’s no label. You ask what you are, and he changes the subject or says he’s not ready for a relationship despite the fact you’re practically already in one without the title.
These kinds of players are truly heartbreaking. They clearly like you, they want you around, and you have great sex and interesting conversation. What they’re getting is all the fun of a romantic relationship without any of the responsibility or consequences.
By sending you texts every day and always keeping in touch, they’re creating the illusion of effort and a half relationship.
You won’t go anywhere because he’s doing just enough to make you think that he’ll come around one day; you can’t call him out on any sketchy behavior because you’re not technically together, and he always has you on tap for booty calls.
I call it a long game because it’s a pretty gradual manipulation into making you think you’re just in a complicated but healthy relationship, unbeknownst to you, that he tells everyone else he’s single because technically he is.
All his daily texts and cute snaps are working overtime to keep you around without him really having to do much else. It’s a very subtle kind of game, but one that serves to give him everything he wants while leaving you with nothing to show for it but confusion and eventual heartbreak.
You’re Hard To Get
Everyone likes a chase. C’mon, it’s human nature to want what we can’t have.
The concept of being ‘hard to get’ can really do a number on players, especially ones that are used to getting what they want when they want it by being generally aloof and difficult to please.
If you’ve turned the tables on them, you might notice a shift in tactics on their end.
Playing hard to get with seasoned players can go one of two ways as I see it. Either they’re going to accidentally fall for you the longer they spend trying to win you over, or they’re going to see you as nothing but a challenge their ego can’t take losing.
The former explains why they might still be sending you soppy text messages every day after six months of trying to get you into bed. But the latter is a little more unsavory.
Their texting habits going from a standard non-existent or a largely uninterested play all the way to daily communication and seduction attempts can be a surefire sign that they’re thriving on the game you’re playing back.
It’s pretty likely that they’re enjoying being challenged and having to ‘work for it’ so to speak. Underneath it all, however, they’re relying on the hope that with enough flirty texts and suggestive jokes you’ll let your guard down and they’ll be able to slip right in there.
It’s not at all uncommon for players to up their game if they feel like they’ve met their personality match. Lulling you into a false sense of security over time with some sweet late-night phone call pillow talk and long texts about what they’d do to you if you just let them come over.
I mean the lengths a player would go to satiate a bursting ego are incredible. Take How I Met Your Mother's Barney Stinson for example, he doesn’t give up till he gets the yes.
It can be tough to differentiate between a man that’s trying hard to get you because he wants you or because he wants to ‘win’ you. Let the guy text and look at the content.
Does the conversation always lead back to how he knows you’ll eventually give in? Or does it always feel weirdly pressurized about finally sleeping with him or meeting up in person?
If you’re playing hard to get, the player may just meet you in the middle and practically live in your phone, waiting to pounce when your guard is down. Don’t be fooled by their apparent attentiveness. Protect your mental health and stay all the way away from the player who makes you feel like you’re the player. Trust me.
I think it’s fair to say that there is a whole bunch of reasons why a player might text you every day. Be it carefully strategic or completely unbeknownst to them that they even qualify as a player, a steady stream of text messages definitely has its benefits in the world of modern dating and hookup culture.
That being said, it’s a risky move to pull and definitely isn’t going to be a tactic used by all players.
While you’ve got different types of players and a whole host of games going on in the background, the one thing these guys have in common is their almost religious avoidance of any real commitment or romantic relationship.
In the world of social media and all the unspoken rules and assumptions of digital communication, a player sending long texts every day and basically opening up a line of immediate and constant contact can backfire on them. A lot of these guys are going to be aware of that and, if they have a smidgen of basic decency, draw a line there.
Daily text messaging can lead to you forming a pretty serious attachment. It can open the door to potential stalking or harassment (which I imagine they probably want to avoid if they’re pissing people off on the regular).
It can lead to them feeling obliged or suffocated, which they of course hate in all their commitment-phobic glory. Or even runs the risk of them forming an attachment to you. A big faux pas in the players' handbook.
Probably the biggest risk of a player constantly keeping in touch with all the different people he’s playing is the chance that the playees might find out about each other. Social networks are essentially a paper trail of everything we say and do. All the evidence of their vivid sex lives and late-night McDonald’s dates is right there in the chat history. Endless text alerts while he’s out on dates probably won’t help his game.
I’m not saying most players are smart enough to actually think about all this before they start racking up their body count, quite the opposite in fact. This is exactly why next time you get that weird chest inkling that something isn’t right with a chronic texter, you shouldn’t rely on the fact that he’s always talking to you as your only sign that he’s committed and looking for a serious relationship.
Like I said though, one size does not fit all. Some players will use their unlimited texting plan to their advantage and practically abuse their service provider with all those double texts to reel you in. Some will stick to the traditional play of staying way out of your daily life and only popping up when they want to get certain body parts all tangled up with yours.
Sussing out a player is hard work. Social media grants us new ways of getting hurt, manipulated, or messed around with every day.
The reality is that players do use texting to their advantage. The play isn’t all those in-person conversations at a bar anymore where the only goal is to get you back to their place for the night.
With phones and pretty open access to all different people across the globe, it’s easier than ever to get instant gratification and attention from people we’re maybe not all that into. It’s much easier to play a long game and keep someone interested for our own benefit now than when we relied on dates and chance encounters.
Keep your eyes peeled for the content and intention of a player's text - the signs are usually all there with what they say, how they say it, and when.
For my final piece of advice as a self-proclaimed relationship expert: for god's sake, if he’s only texting you on Snapchat, then he is a player. Zero exceptions there; just leave him on read and move on.