Everyone remembers their first crush. That one person who came into your life and shook up your world. Whether you were ten or twenty years old, it is impossible to forget the romantic feelings of falling for someone.
But this groundbreaking phenomenon doesn’t lose its power over time. You can be struck by Cupid’s arrow at any age.
A crush hits you hard and fast. One day, they’re a close friend, and the next, you can’t imagine life without them. You think about them all the time. There’s a burning desire to be near this person, so much so that you have to stop yourself from following them around.
You spend countless hours daydreaming about the romantic dates you would go on and the fantasy of a future together. All you want is to see them smile, and look at you the way you look at them.
A crush can become an obsession. Infatuation is an incredibly intense feeling. If you aren’t careful, you can become completely consumed by the very thought of the person you’re pining after. But what do you do if the object of your affection doesn’t even know you exist? Or worse: if you’re stuck in the dreaded friend zone?
No matter what your situation looks like, there are lots of little things you can do to get your crush’s attention without looking desperate. Here are some quick-fire thoughts:
Things to know
- You'll need to connect with your crush somehow. Whether it's initiating a conversation at work or following them on social media - you've got to be in contact for anything to happen.
- You don't have to dress up like Sandy in Grease, but a little effort from your usual look will definitely catch a few eyes.
- Eventually, you'll have to make a move. Perhaps a little rub on the arm or a direct invite to cocktails - there's no point in hiding!
Here are some of the best tips and tricks to help you turn your platonic friendship into a romantic relationship:
- Connect On Social Media
- Dress For Success
- Socialize Strategically
- Identify A Common Interest
- Initiate A Conversation
- Speak With Your Eyes
- Remember the Little Things
- Open Up And Get Personal
- Show Your Silly Side
- Support Them During A Hard Time
- Compliment Your Crush
- Play It Cool
- Ask Flirty Questions
- Get Physical
- Send a Risky Text
- Ask Them Out
1. Connect On Social Media
If you haven’t already, the first step in getting closer to your crush is adding them on social media. Even if you’ve been watching their profile from afar on a regular basis, taking the extra step to follow them is a must. That notification will definitely catch their attention.
Once you’re connected, make sure you start engaging in a fun and lowkey way. React to their stories, and comment on their posts with funny responses or flirty emojis. This is an easy way to get on your crush’s radar and start showing off more of your personality.
2. Dress For Success
There are few things less attractive than bad hygiene. If you want to get closer to your crush, you can’t repel them with body odor. Put your best foot forward and take care of yourself. Keep clean and use a subtle fragrance.
Pick an outfit that flatters your frame and colors that bring out your best features. Now is not the time to throw on those sweatpants with holes in them. You don’t need to change your personal style, but try to put forth a little extra effort in the morning to show off what you’ve got.
3. Socialize Strategically
The best way to get to know someone is through their friends. No one understands your crush better than they do. See if you can casually cozy up to their inner circle. This will put you in the position to spend more time around them without being too obvious.
You will slowly become a familiar presence to your crush, subconsciously making them more comfortable around you. Even better? If their mutual friends really like you, you could end up landing yourself a wingman or two.
4. Identify A Common Interest
Everybody has something in common. Your mission is to find out what that shared interest is. What are their hobbies? Is there a TV show that they’ve binge-watched a hundred times? Are they regular at a local coffee shop?
Once you start learning more about your crush, you can keep those mutual interests in your back pocket to use as conversation topics later. Just make sure you aren’t faking it. No meaningful relationship is built on lies. All you have to do is find common ground and roll with it.
5. Initiate A Conversation
Once you’ve identified what you and your crush see eye to eye on, your next step is to start speaking up. Throw random questions at them to get them engaged in the conversation. What is their favorite book? Favorite movie? What is their biggest pet peeve? What is their favorite place in the whole world?
It might seem innocent enough, but you’re actually using this information to break the ice and get to know them better. Be careful to phrase it as an open-ended question, because if your crush can answer with a simple “yes” or “no” then the conversation will probably be short and awkward.
6. Speak With Your Eyes
They say communication is only 7% verbal. The rest is up to body language. You don’t always need to be talking to connect to your crush. Eye contact can send a message even more powerfully than words. We are biologically wired to sit up and pay attention when someone is looking at us directly.
You may feel tempted to shy your gaze away, but this won’t do you any favors. Not only will eye contact naturally catch your crush’s attention but it is also believed to increase bonding and intimacy between two people.
The eyes are the window to the soul, so don’t close the curtains on yours. Use this technique sparingly: there’s a fine line between smizing and staring.
7. Remember the Little Things
Remember those random questions you asked your crush earlier? Show them that you paid attention to their answers and bring it full circle. Slyly bring up what you learned about them the next time you talk.
Recommend a new Korean restaurant if they told you they like Asian food. Mention an author they might like based on their favorite book. They’ll be impressed by how thoughtful you are and want to return the favor. Taking a genuine interest in the small things about someone is the best compliment you can give.
8. Open Up And Get Personal
If you want to build a bond with your crush, you’re going to need to get vulnerable, too. Emotional intimacy isn’t a one-way street. You don’t have to share your childhood trauma, but you do need to give them something to work with.
Get personal: how do you feel about your past relationship? What are your thoughts on the high school experience? Who in your life would you do anything for? This can lead to the kind of deep conversation that takes someone from best friend to romantic partner.
You can also take a lighter approach to share your secrets. Confess your celebrity crush. This seemingly embarrassing moment has the hidden benefit of making them look at you as a potential romantic interest.
9. Show Your Silly Side
Funny people are magnetic. Everyone wants to be around them—including your crush. The good news is you don’t have to be a big class clown personality to share your killer sense of humor. Send your crush a text message with a funny meme.
Make a well-timed quip in conversation to show off your quick wit. Quietly react to awkward situations with funny facial expressions to get a laugh out of your crush. The more they discover how hilarious you are, the more drawn to you they will be.
A shared sense of humor is an important form of connection that reveals just how much you two have in common.
10. Support Them During A Hard Time
Let’s face it: life isn’t all fun and games. Sometimes things don’t go our way. One way or another, your crush will have their share of bad days. When that happens, look for opportunities to show your support. Cheer them up if they need a laugh, or be a shoulder to lean on if they just want to cry.
Listen intently if they vent to you about their problems. No matter what, they need to know that they can rely on you. Showing that you can be there for them when it counts is a huge signal to your crush that you have what it takes to be their romantic partner.
11. Compliment Your Crush
Don’t keep all those sweet thoughts about your crush in your head: tell them why they’re so great! All the romantic sentiments in the world don’t mean anything if you can’t express them. You can easily come up with a million things you like about your crush. But you only need to share a few of them to catch their attention. People love to be affirmed.
Don’t fall into false flattery, but sincerely compliment your crush. In return, they will want to be around you even more because they know that you think highly of them. They will have no need to feel insecure if you build them up with honest praise. And besides, it will give you the opportunity to let out some of those deep inner feelings.
12. Play It Cool
Going overboard on the affection can start to feel smothering to your crush. If you want to keep their attention, it’s important to know when to pull back. Pursuing someone effectively requires mastering the delicate balance of give and take.
Your goal should be to toe the line between distant and interested. Don’t make it too easy for your crush to guess what you’re thinking. This adds a level of mystery that will leave them wondering where you stand and want to win back your full focus. Be sure to show your crush that they aren’t the only person in your life.
Continue spending time with your own friends, and divide your attention equally among other people. Just don’t lead anyone on if you aren’t looking at them with a romantic interest. If you’re trying to use someone to make your crush jealous, it’s only going to backfire and hurt your chances with the one you actually love. Keep it casual and give them a chance to chase you so you avoid looking desperate.
13. Ask Flirty Questions
Once you’ve established a solid foundation in friendship, start testing the waters with playful flirting. The last thing you want after all this effort is to be locked into the friend zone. You can steer clear of this disaster by getting bolder with your crush.
Ask them flirty questions about things friends don’t talk about. Do you believe in love at first sight? If I got a tattoo, where do you think I should put it? Have you been working out? These can all be interpreted as innocent enough but will start heating things up between you two.
Asking cheeky questions can open the door to more flirting, which can lead to a first date before you know it.
14. Get Physical
After you’ve opened the door to flirty dialogue, your next move is all about body language. Find appropriate opportunities to make subtle physical touch with your crush. If you go to a scary movie together, grab them during a jump scare. Playfully push them if they’re teasing you.
Keep in mind that consent is key. Asking a cute question like “can I feel your muscles?” is a flirty way to make sure your crush is cool with making contact. Breaking the barrier between you with friendly touch can definitely help take things to the next level.
15. Send a Risky Text
Ride the momentum between you and your crush and take a chance. Shoot them a risky text message to gauge their romantic interest. You don’t need to lay all your cards out on the table with a long confession of love, but you can drop a heavy hint in the chat.
Tell them they looked amazing today in that outfit. Or test them with a bold question like “Do you think girls or guys should make the first move?” Your crush’s response will speak volumes about how they feel towards you. If they are into it, they will almost definitely flirt back. And if they’re not? Say you were joking and hope for the best.
16. Ask Them Out
At the end of the day, there’s only one way to really get closer to your crush. Take the first step and ask them out. It might be scary, and there’s always a chance of rejection.
But if you really want to be with this person, there’s no better way to find out how they feel about you than to be direct. Your crush can only give one of two answers: yes or no. No matter what, it will quickly tell you if you have a chance with them. If they’re giving you all the right signals, be brave and go for it!
Are You Going to Get Closer to Your Crush?
Love is a feel-good topic, but it can be agonizing when your crush doesn’t like you back. Fortunately, if you follow these steps you’ll be on your way to a first date in no time.
Just remember: Don’t change who you are to make someone else like you. If you have to lose yourself or compromise your values for a person, then they aren’t the one. But hey, if it doesn’t work out, a new crush will be waiting right around the corner. Be yourself, and let love find you when the time is right.
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