Even the best marriages hit the occasional rough patch. Whatever your love story looks like right now, there's still hope. If you're wondering how to make your husband love you, the truth is, you can't really 'make' him do anything. Lasting love is a choice, and he has to want to choose your marriage every day.
This isn't to say that you should throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble. There are things you can do to help maintain and strengthen your bond, and we'll be exploring them in this article.
Things to know
- Appreciate and love your husband for who he is, actively listen to him and try new things to keep your connection strong and your marriage exciting.
- Have quality time, maintain a satisfying sex life, understand his love language and be considerate and supportive of his goals. But, don't neglect your goals; keep your self-identity strong too.
- Make him feel needed by asking for help and avoiding criticism. Remember to respect his need for space and communicate any concerns in a civil manner.
If you're ready to reclaim your relationship, keep reading. Here's what we'll be looking at:
- 14 Ways To Make Your Husband Love You
- What To Do When Your Husband Falls Out Of Love With You
- Making Your Husband Love You Again When He Wants A Divorce
14 Ways To Make Your Husband Love You
True love is a choice; if you want your husband to choose you every day, make the choice first. Here are 14 things you can do to make him feel loved, valued, and seen:
Love him for who he is
While there are certain things about him that you wish you could change, focus on appreciating who he is. Reflect on his best qualities to remind yourself of what a wonderful man you married. Let him know through compliments and genuine appreciation that you adore him.
Paying attention to your husband is a great way to make him feel seen and understood. This means being fully engaged when he's talking to you. Actively listen to him and try not to dismiss him. Take time to reflect on the concerns he brings up, and instead of getting defensive, try to see where he's coming from.
Keep things exciting
Keep an open mind and be willing to try out new ways to connect. Trying out new things can be scary, but supporting each other helps. Travel and experience culture shocks together.
Pick a few physical activities to enjoy as a couple. As best friends, challenge each other and learn new skills together. Don't forget to make date nights a thing. Having a monthly date night reinforces your commitment to each other and makes you 14% less likely to split up.
Make him laugh
There's nothing like laughter to bring you closer. Couples who laugh often and cultivate a culture of fun in their marriage are more likely to last. Playfulness encourages bonding, while shared laughter increases the quality of romantic love. Inside jokes are also a great way to foster intimacy.
Don't be afraid to let your playful, quirky side come out often. Chances are he'll lighten up too. You’ll have less tension and feel more satisfied with your marriage.
Don't neglect your sex life
Neglecting your sex life can spell trouble for your relationship. Studies show that having satisfying sex can lead to a healthier relationship. Couples who have regular sex are closer and happier, so they talk about each other's needs, wants, and expectations.
Avoid judging, dismissing, or attacking each other. Instead, come up with a plan that you can both commit to. Check in with each other regularly and figure out what works for you. Schedule sex if you need to. Not only does this reflect your commitment to each other, but it's also a great way to keep things exciting.
Learn how he wants to be loved
You and your husband have distinct emotional needs. You have different ideas about what it means to be loved. You also express love in unique ways. The things that make him feel loved and valued might not be immediately apparent to you. That’s why it's crucial to understand each other's love language.
The five love languages are gift giving, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, and words of affirmation. Take the official online quiz and work on speaking each other's love languages fluently. The quality of your relationship will improve, and you'll feel loved and appreciated.
If he's swamped and stressed out at work, try not to give him a hard time at home. As his spouse, let him know you're here to help. Sometimes it's not about sticking to rigid arrangements; it's about being able to go with the flow.
Be there for him and give him fewer things to worry about. Some days he'll need to lean on you a little more, and others, you'll need to rely on him. The trick isn't to keep score; it's to value each other as teammates.
Make him feel needed
As human beings, we want to feel needed. For men, that need is stronger. Appeal to your husband's innate need to provide and protect by asking him for help. Denying him the opportunity to solve problems and add value to your life crushes his confidence.
He'll feel like he doesn't have a purpose or that you don't trust him. He craves your admiration and wants to know that you have deep respect for the man he is. He'll be more loving and invested in your marriage when he feels confident in his position in your life.
Let him help you
You might think you've got it all together and that you’ve got your own system that works —until it doesn't. Taking on too much or trying to do things alone isn't healthy for you or your relationship.
Your husband won't think less of you if you let him help you. He’ll gladly step up and take care of things. It’s part of his nature, and embracing it will make for a happy marriage.
Watch what you say
Criticism and contempt are the two of the most common reasons marriages break down. These potent relationship killers should have no place in your marriage. Even when you have legitimate concerns, insulting your husband or comparing him to others can make him defensive and cause him to shut down.
Over time, resentment and hostility will degrade the strength of your connection. It simply isn’t worth it to resort to such destructive tactics. Work on communicating your concerns in a civil manner. And instead of constantly pointing out his shortcomings, praise him and thank him for his efforts.
Respect his need for space
As a man, guarding his independence and sense of identity is essential. Don't discourage him from pursuing his interests or working toward his own goals. While it's good to have couple goals to strengthen your bond, having time apart is important too.
Respect his need for space and support him in cultivating other meaningful relationships in his life. You should strive to be interdependent rather than co-dependent. You'll become the best versions of yourselves, and your relationship will thrive.
Maintain your self-identity
Trying to spend all your free time together isn't only stifling; it's toxic. Maintain your self-identity by focusing on the things that matter to you. When he's taking time out for himself, you should also be doing the things that make you feel happy and confident.
Work on growing and evolving as a person - you'll both discover a lot of things about yourselves. The great part about having separate interests is that you'll have plenty to share with each other. Let's face it; you won’t get to miss each other if you're joined at the hip.
Don't try to control him
Honor and respect your husband. Don't attempt to get your own way by manipulating him or resorting to passive-aggressive behaviors like the silent treatment.
Extend him the same freedoms that you would like to enjoy. If you would like to be able to meet with your friends without asking for permission, he should be able to do the same. If you can make small purchases without checking in, he should be able to do the same too.
Just agree to collaborate on major decisions. Remember that you want a healthy marriage and not an abusive relationship.
Schedule a daily talk time
To connect with your husband, set aside a few minutes after a long day to talk. Put away your cell phone and focus on being fully present with him. Ask him about the highs and lows of his day.
Hold his hand and invite him to share his frustrations. Pull him into a tight hug and let him know you're in his corner. Genuine support and affection will soften your husband's heart, and he'll consider you his closest friend.
What To Do When Your Husband Falls Out Of Love With You
Accepting that your connection isn't what it used to be can be emotionally distressing. However, it’s important not to shut down. You’ll have to keep the right mindset if you want to reignite the spark between you.
Here’s what you can do if you feel like your husband is falling out of love with you:
Get your facts straight
If you feel like your husband doesn't love you anymore, get to the root cause of why you feel that way. What actual changes have you observed in your relationship dynamic? What particular behaviors are making you feel unloved?
Being able to pinpoint the issues will help you communicate your concerns clearly. Once you have your facts straight, reflect on a few actionable suggestions you could share with your husband.
Share your concerns
Instead of assuming the worst, bring up your concerns in a non-accusatory manner. Refrain from using words like ‘you never’ or ‘you always.’ Instead, focus on conveying what you feel by making use of ‘I’ statements. Have this conversation on a walk or on a quiet evening, so both of you can give it your full attention.
If you're feeling neglected and it seems like he doesn't have time for you anymore, you might frame your concern like this "I really miss spending time with you. Can we talk about it and work something out?"
He'll be more willing to work things out than if you said something like, " you're always at work, and you seem to care more about your friends than me. You never make time for us anymore!" The latter is laced with contempt, and he's more likely to shut down than address your concerns.
Ask him to share his concerns
If you're going to share your concerns, you've got to allow him to share his. Listen without getting defensive or dismissive. Allow him to express how he's truly feeling.
Let him share his experiences and what changes he would like to see. There's no better way to fix the issues in your marriage than to know exactly what they are. If you know the reasons why he's being distant or less affectionate, you can do your part to mend the rift between you.
Get on the same page about each other's needs
Once all your issues and concerns are out in the open, develop some goals and a plan to meet each other's needs. Start with the little things like kissing each other goodnight and work your way up to bigger goals. Be patient with each other and focus on the issues that can be resolved quickly first.
Choose not to dwell on the bad times and be quick to forgive each other. Try not to let small things fester and develop into long-standing problems. If you need more help, try a marriage workshop, retreat, or seminar. You may also want to consider couples therapy. The key is to get help before it's too late.
Make time to reconnect
If you’ve been feeling detached from each other, making time to reconnect can improve your relationship. If you've abandoned date nights, get back into the rhythm of scheduling quality time together.
If you're on a tight budget, you can still plan a cost-effective date night at home. Ask family and friends to watch the kids or consider getting a babysitting system going with another couple.
It might even be beneficial to take a few days away from work pressures and family life to focus on each other. If you can't work a romantic escape into your budget or schedule, something as simple as checking into a hotel for the weekend could work wonders.
Making Your Husband Love You Again When He Wants A Divorce
Knowing that your husband wants a divorce can be devastating. While you can't control his feelings, you can focus on yourself and try to draw him back to you.
By respecting his decision and working on being the best version of yourself, you can remind your husband of all the things he used to love and find attractive about you. Do these six things to fight for your marriage:
Accept that there’s a problem
If you want him to rethink his decision, you’ve got to demonstrate that you’re willing to change.
Accept the reality and reflect on how you ended up here. What are you capable of changing to make your relationship work? Are there certain issues that your husband has been raising? Have you tried to address these issues or brushed them aside?
If you want to make things work, you've got to take the initiative and show your husband that a better relationship is possible.
Let him come to you on his terms
After acknowledging a problem and identifying some areas for improvement, let him know that you would like to try and make things work. Then, tell him that you're willing to have a discussion whenever he feels ready. Keep your word and wait for him to come to you. When he's ready to have a discussion, make him feel heard and valued.
Listen attentively while he speaks, and then summarize what you've heard. To make him feel validated and understood, you might say, " I'm hearing that you haven't felt respected or valued."
Focus on remaining calm and non-judgemental. Your husband should feel safe enough to keep sharing his thoughts. The goal is to be patient and show him that you genuinely want to understand his point of view.
Give him space
Begging, pressuring, or nagging your husband will only push him away. Trying to buy him gifts won't resolve your issues. Getting friends or family involved to take your side is manipulative and might upset him further.
The best thing to do is to respect his boundaries. Don't question his whereabouts or schedule, and resist the urge to violate his privacy. Giving him space will go a long way in easing the tension between you. It's also a great way to reestablish trust in your relationship.
Focus on being positive
Don't sabotage the opportunity to change his mind by acting out or being vengeful. Avoid engaging in harmful behaviors like substance abuse. Instead, find healthier ways to cope.
Find an online support group or confide in a close friend. It's going to be hard, but you need to stay positive and treat your husband with respect.
The goal is to gradually shift his perception of you while giving him the opportunity to think about things. So muster up as much confidence and positivity as you can.
Try not to argue with him. If things get heated, walk away and ask to continue the conversation when you've both calmed down.
Work on yourself
Being on the brink of a divorce can affect your self-confidence and lead to low self-esteem. Shift your thoughts away from all the ways you 'don't measure up' to more positive thoughts. Embrace who you are, flaws and all.
The freedom that comes with radical self-acceptance is just what you need to reinvent yourself. By holding onto the mindset that you are worthy, no matter what, you're less likely to neglect other areas of your life.
Remember to prioritize your mental health and find healthy ways to deal with negative emotions. Journaling or speaking to a therapist can be a safe space to process your feelings. Keeping active can help you manage your stress levels and improve your mood.
Sometimes professional help is just what you need to get unstuck. Suggest marriage counseling to your husband. If he's willing to try it, that's a promising sign. A professional can help you identify the issues in your relationship and help you work through them.
If your husband won't join you, not all is lost. Individual therapy can still help you work through your own issues. Plus, having a professional’s perspective is a good way to figure out the best way forward.
If you've tried all you can and your husband still isn't interested, then you may need to start coming to terms with the end of your marriage. Lean on your friends and family for emotional support. If you've been seeing a professional, continue to do so. If you haven't been seeing one, seriously consider it.