Most long-term relationships are wonderful, full of exciting new adventures, and see an ever-increasing level of love and appreciation for one another.
In the early days of a new relationship, it feels as though nothing could tear the two of you apart; it's you and him against the world, and you're the ultimate duo.
But what happens when you start to feel that he's not as enveloped in your relationship as he once was, that you're the only one left consumed with love and excitement while he seems to be fading away? Dare I say, getting bored of you?
It's an absolutely awful feeling. It's like you're on the outside of your own relationship looking in. You want to ask him, but you're scared the response might feel worse than just waiting it out and seeing what happens.
Well, you don't need to sus out the situation alone because we'll get into the nitty-gritty:
Things to know
- If your boyfriend seems to have lost interest in sex or adventures, it might appear that he's bored with your relationship.
- Other signs of boredom include a lack of effort and an increase in the number of arguments you have.
- Don't worry too soon. Signs of boredom may actually be caused by a struggle with his mental health or a busy schedule at work. Make sure you ask so you can get to the bottom of it.
Before you jump to conclusions, read on to figure out what's really going on. Here's what we'll cover:
- Why We Need to Be Honest About Boredom
- 5 Signs He's Bored With You
- 6 Reasons Your Boyfriend is Bored of You
- Is My Boyfriend Bored of Me Sexually?
- 3 Signs He's NOT Bored With You
- What To Do If Your Boyfriend Is Bored
- Final Thoughts
Why We Need to Be Honest About Boredom
I really want to reassure you that your boyfriend isn't bored of you and that he's just distracted by a busy project at work. But that just might not be the case.
Communication is always key
Avoidance is a very common and serious issue in relationships. It's too easy for both of you not to bring up your concerns. It's essential that both parties in relationships communicate their feelings.
You don't want to waste your time
If he really is bored but never says, you could waste years with this person. Though it might hurt, you've absolutely got to get to the bottom of it. You're worth more than being lied to!
Equally, it's not unusual for people to become complacent in relationships and allow other life worries to take over. There's every chance he's struggling with stress, and you've been sidelined.
Either way, this situation isn't pleasant. So, if you spot any of the following signs he's bored of you, you've got to take action. Your future self will thank you for it!
5 Signs He's Bored With You
1. He's picking fights
Fighting is a very normal part of any healthy relationship, especially if it's long-term or you live together. But if he's starting unnecessary fights seemingly out of the blue, it could be that he's struggling with a little relationship boredom.
Say you bought the wrong dinner ingredient or forgot to make the bed in the morning; maybe you left out a snack wrapper on the table. These are things he wouldn't normally get miffed about, but suddenly he's excessively sighing and rolling his eyes or giving you a dose of the cold shoulder.
It could be down to the fact that he's feeling bored in the relationship and trying to create a little drama or that he's resenting his boredom and taking it out on you.
Unless there are some excess stress factors going on in his life right now that could explain the added tension and dramatic eye rolls, it's not really normal relationship behavior to sit scowling at the TV because your girlfriend bought melons, not pears.
It might even veer into man-child territory, but that's a topic for another day.
If it's sudden and out of character, it's a pretty big boredom signal, at the very least.
2. Your sex life is at an all-time low
Low libido can be indicative of much more personal things than relationship issues (as I'll get into later). But if he's still watching porn and not having sex with you, or you're looking at the calendar and realizing it's been almost 2 months since you've had any action, you might be in boredom territory.
Now, you shouldn't let this affect your self-esteem. If he's sexually bored, then all it takes is a conversation and whipping up a sexy, spicy plan to get things moving again.
Being open and regularly talking about your sex life is key to a healthy relationship. So how are you supposed to know he isn't feeling satisfied if he doesn't tell you?
On the other hand, his sudden disinterest in sex could be less about your teeth-heavy oral sex or his new secret foot fetish, but instead, be a symptom of his boredom in the relationship.
If he's not happy he's probably not going to feel right about having sex with someone he's no longer romantically into, no matter how wonderful and beautiful you are.
3. He's not down for adventures anymore
Ahh, the honeymoon stage. Ripe with new hobbies to share, cute cafes to discover, and no boredom in sight. A truly special time.
Unfortunately, the easy-breezy nature of the honeymoon stage doesn't last forever. In the long run, real life is going to get in the way of the constant stream of adorable dates and activities. But that's not to say they should be disappearing.
If he's not making time for new adventures with you like he once did or isn't enthusiastic about fun, or quality time with you, he may just be bored.
Let's look at it from a different angle: realistically, he's not going to be excited about making new memories with someone he's no longer as invested in. It's sad, really sad, but it's a pretty sure sign of how he's feeling.
4. He won't get off the damn phone
Look, I'm not saying your boyfriend having a slight screen addiction means your relationship is doomed. Sometimes that VSauce video about if cereal is actually a soup is a tad bit more interesting than your excitement about whatever new mozzarella stick variant McDonald's has brought out.
The real point is that occasionally being distracted by social media or a YouTube review of his favorite book while you're hanging out isn't a huge cause for concern.
The problem arises when it's constant, and he's pretty much living in a state of always texting his friends or playing games when you're around, ignoring your attempts to talk to him, and never initiating any real conversation himself.
If he's bored of you, he's likely to show it by investing his time and energy into whatever text message he got over the conversation you're trying to have with him. This feels awful, I know. God, this list is kinda depressing, huh?
5. He's making very little effort
We've already covered a lack of dates, enthusiasm, and physically spending time with you. But 'effort' in a relationship is going to look different to everyone depending on both of your love languages.
He might've once been a thoughtful gift-giver, and now you only receive those weird shell chocolates on your birthday. He once excitedly cooked you dinner on Friday nights, but now he says he can't be bothered and asks you to do it.
Remember those loving texts he'd send you while you were at work? BOOM, now it's only one-word answers. That last one is going to be especially telling if you're long-distance.
(I mean, come on, long-distance relationships practically rely on heavily detailed paragraphs of your trip to the supermarket to keep the spark alive.)
There are a thousand different ways to put in the effort with someone you love, and if you're in a long-term relationship then you probably know what "effort" means to you. If his actions toward you have changed, it might reflect how he really feels.
Feelings of boredom can easily manifest themselves in a lack of hard work at keeping your relationship happy and appreciated.
6 Reasons Your Boyfriend is Bored of You
Your boyfriend might be bored because he's fallen out of love with you, or the sexual chemistry has gone. None of these reasons are pleasant, but it's important for you to know what's gone wrong before you can move on.
Why is my boyfriend bored of me?
- Your sexual chemistry has disappeared.
2. He's found someone else.
3. You've grown apart over time, and he can't see where you fit into his new life.
4. You live different lives and behave like housemates.
5. You haven't been a good partner. Perhaps you've been overly dependent or taken your stress out on him.
6. He has commitment issues and has lost interest, as he's done with all his past girlfriends.
Is My Boyfriend Bored of Me Sexually?
Sexual boredom is an extremely common problem in long-term relationships, but it doesn't have to be the reason to break up.
Here are some things to consider if you notice signs he is bored with you in bed:
Sexual boredom isn't unusual
It's natural for long-term partners to have reduced sex drives over time and have sex less often than they did when they were just dating. Unfortunately, both parties don't always lose their sex drives at the same time or in the same quantity, so it can cause issues such as resentment, pressure, and general dissatisfaction.
Sometimes both parties still want to have sex with each other, but life gets in the way, and they have to try especially hard to make time for intimacy.
What to do about sexual boredom
If your boyfriend admits that he's dissatisfied with your sexual life (and you're still happy to have sex), it might be time for both of you to put effort into carving out that quality time. Here are some ideas for making an effort:
- Pick a day of the week to be date night and do whatever you want together.
- Run a bath for each other.
- Try a massage night.
- Start working out more to get your energy levels up.
- Get a sitter once a week just for some time together - it might lower your stress levels.
If there are issues such as pain or arousal, it's best to be open about these issues so you can resolve these issues as a team.
If you have different sexual tastes
It might be that your boyfriend's sexual tastes aren't aligned with yours. This can be especially difficult if one party wants to engage in BDSM or other taboo practices.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to take part in these "unconventional" bedroom behaviors, just like there's nothing wrong with being vanilla.
If you have major differences in the bedroom, this is something that won't change. Unless you're happy to open your relationship to other people, it could be the end.
Dealing with sexual differences, pressure, or shame
You shouldn't feel pressured to change your sexual preferences for a partner. If he's bored because you're not a match in the bedroom, it's not your fault. It's just a difference in preference.
As long as he's not shaming you or pressuring you over these issues, it should be a pretty amicable split.
However, if he is doing these things, you need to get out of there as soon as possible. Just because he's bored, it doesn't mean you need to change yourself, and it certainly doesn't give him the green light to be abusive.
He's bored of you in the bedroom. So what?
Sexual differences are a part of life. You aren't worth any less just because you don't like the same things as your partner.
It's understandable that your ego might take a hit from this. However, you'll still be attractive to other partners. In fact, sexual attraction isn't personal. Chalk it up to another character-building experience and get busy moving on.
And hey, if the rest of your relationship is fine, this might be one of those rare moments where you really could remain friends.
3 Signs He's NOT Bored With You
Figuring out if your guy is actually feeling bored with you can be both emotionally taxing and, honestly - hard to pin down. To be totally sure if his behaviors reflect feelings of boredom, you need to rule out what else could be going on.
The following factors could be at play, so look out for these signs:
1. He's struggling with his mental health
You might've noticed your boyfriend being less interested in sex; maybe he seems constantly irritable or sad and has very little interest in doing activities or even talking all that much.
It's definitely easy to jump to the conclusion that he's distancing himself from you or is just straight-up bored. But did you know these are all potential symptoms of depression?
If your guy has a history of mental health issues, or he's recently gone through something difficult or traumatic in his life, it's probably for the best that you have one of those 2 am heart-to-hearts about his feelings and what he might be going through before you assume he's written you off.
Mental health problems are no joke, and for some men, it can actually be pretty difficult to open up about them.
We live in an increasingly progressive world, but there is still a bunch of stigma around men expressing their struggles and emotions, so approaching the subject gently and with compassion is likely the best course of action.
2. Things are moving too fast
It is almost hilariously easy how fast the human brain can decide to fall for someone and brand them a soul mate. Believe me, if you're a fellow romantic then your 'main character of a rom-com' syndrome isn't lost on me.
But if your guy isn't a hopeless romantic type, or you've veered from your normal amount of romance (twenty texts an hour and showing up at his front door at midnight with no invite) then he could be getting cold feet about the whole thing.
He might not be returning the same level of affection or needing a little time to himself after you've hung out. At worst, he might even seem slightly annoyed when you're affectionate.
Now don't panic; all is not lost. If you've found yourself moving too fast, too soon, and can feel his hesitation, then just dial it back! In this case, he's probably the opposite of bored and just a little overwhelmed.
It doesn't mean he's not into you, you just need to get on the same page, and you can only get there by talking about it openly. Ask him where he's at, and work it out from there. It probably wouldn't hurt to play a little hard to get and put some of the focus back onto your own life and give him the opportunity to chase you a little.
3. He's focused on other things
While being preoccupied with the comings and goings of life is absolutely no excuse to completely neglect your partner, it could be a valid reason for any short-term changes in his behavior.
If you're a sensitive soul or have some struggles with self-esteem, you might find it easy to latch onto your partner for reassurance and depend on their unyielding affection to tranquilize your anxieties.
Them suddenly getting a huge pile of work, making new friends outside your usual circle, or being unable to text you as much, might send you spiraling into a panic over an impending relationship explosion that isn't actually about to happen.
It's normal to have phases in romantic relationships where one person is dealing with new things or is focused on work or school, and your quality time, texting sessions, and romance may suffer just a little.
Take a look at the context of the situation, is your partner putting in the effort in other ways? Is he communicating that he's busy but that he's going to make time for you later?
Breathe and analyze the situation, if he loves you and truly isn't bored of you, things will bounce back once his responsibilities ease up, and he will be actively finding other ways to show you how he feels. So if he's doing that, don't let your anxieties get the best of you!
What To Do If Your Boyfriend Is Bored
The truth is that emotions can be fickle. If your man is acting odd, and you know for sure that he's no longer into you, breaking up is the only right option. It's a tough one, but people fall in and out of love all the time.
It isn't always a reflection of you as a person. Think of all the breakups you've had in your life, your failed past relationships, and the hearts you've broken.
Were all of those people insufferably boring, awful individuals you couldn't wait to get away from, or did your feelings just change, and you felt yourself pulling away?
These things aren't innately personal, and boredom is very rarely a real reason for the ending of a relationship; it's more a symptom of a deeper issue that can only be solved by communicating.
It's very unlikely that you're a boring person in a boring relationship. It's much more likely that his feelings have changed, and he's not communicating them well.
Once you've got to the real root of the problem, you can absolutely conquer any boredom. Live like it's your early 20s, and try new and exciting things together both sexually and for dates. Hey, if you're in a long-distance relationship you could even bring a little sexting into the mix to get things hot and heavy again.
The possibilities are endless. My advice is to keep an open mind and, most importantly, always communicate your feelings, problems, and boundaries with your partner. You won't get far at all without solid communication under your belt!