Take a deep breath; you aren't going to get him back by wallowing in self-pity. Begging or pleading won't help your case either.
It's going to take a more sophisticated approach to re-invent yourself and re-establish a meaningful connection with him. While it may seem like all hope is lost, you still have a good chance of getting your ex back—even when he is dating someone else.
Things to know
- Keep in mind that factors like how things ended and how serious his new relationship is will affect your chances of getting him back. So, try to be realistic about your situation before taking things further.
- You don't want to come across as the 'crazy ex', so don't contact him until you're in a good mental and emotional space. Focus on your own healing and self-improvement instead.
- Reach out, focus on reestablishing a healthy emotional connection, and showing him that you've changed for the better. Remember to take things slow; if he suspects that you're trying to get him back, he might withdraw.
There's certainly more to explore. Here's what we'll be looking at:
- Assess The Situation
- How Did My Ex Fall In Love With Someone Else So Quickly?
- Can An Ex Come Back After Dating Someone Else?
- How To Make Your Ex Want You Back
- Does No Contact Work If Your Ex Is Seeing Someone Else?
- How To Get Your Ex Back When He Is Dating Someone Else
Assess The Situation
Before you embark on this journey, it's essential to be realistic about the situation.
Your relationship was toxic
Did you subject each other to emotional abuse or physical abuse? If you had a turbulent relationship, it would be best to seek professional help. Toxic relationships are incredibly damaging. They tend to result in codependency and strong trauma bonds.
Make sure that you want to get back your ex back for the right reasons. And not because you are lonely or experiencing withdrawal from an unhealthy situation.
You broke up due to circumstances
Has it been over six months since you broke up? Has your ex been with this new girlfriend for longer than six months? If any of these apply to you, trying to get your ex back might be difficult.
Reflect on the nature of your breakup. Was it a mutual decision? Did you break up because of circumstances? People who break up because of circumstances tend to have a better chance of getting back together.
A breakup caused by a failed long-distance relationship is more likely to result in unresolved feelings and a desire to reconnect. Even high school sweethearts who drifted apart due to circumstances have been known to reunite. You might be able to get your ex back if you broke up due to circumstances. Your chances get better if they’re miserable in their current romantic relationship.
Your ex left to be with someone else
If your ex ended things with you to be with his new girlfriend, your chances of getting him back are slim. He was probably seeing her while you were still together. So he had plenty of time to make his decision.
You might want to consider moving on and making a fresh start too. If your relationship is hostile and he’s blocked you, trying to get him back might be a lost cause.
Your ex started dating someone else right after the breakup
Your ex dating someone else right after your split feels like the ultimate betrayal. How dare they move on so quickly?
If he’s only been in a new relationship for a few weeks, you might still have a pretty good chance. This is especially true if you were in a committed, healthy relationship that lasted for over a year.
Your chances get even better if you’re friends or your ex is still in contact with you.
How Did My Ex Fall In Love With Someone Else So Quickly?
If you're wondering how your ex could have fallen in love with someone else so quickly, he probably hasn’t. Here’s why:
It’s in his nature
Men take breakups harder than women. Studies have shown that they are more likely to use distractions to cope with the trauma of a breakup.
Instead of dealing with their emotions, men tend to seek distractions. They are also more likely to get into rebound relationships to help them get over a previous relationship.
He’s experiencing love withdrawal
Breaking up causes us to feel cravings for our exes, similar to the way addicts crave a drug. This intense longing drives us to do all kinds of things to win an ex back.
While some resort to obsessive behaviors like stalking, others find comfort in the arms of another. Your ex’s new relationship could simply be a way for him to cope with love withdrawal.
He’s in a rebound relationship
Rebound relationships happen when people don’t take the time to heal and work through issues from a previous relationship.
If your ex jumped into a relationship right after your breakup, it’s likely that he never fully healed. It’s common for people to use rebound relationships to distract themselves. They may also get into rebound relationships to make their exes jealous.
Your ex-boyfriend could be using this new relationship as a way to cope with the breakup. He could be trying to make you jealous. It could even be a combination of the two.
The only way to know for sure is to wait it out. If it’s a rebound relationship, you won’t be waiting very long. They aren't based on deep compatibility, so they're usually short-lived.
Rebound relationships tend to last anywhere from a month to a year. They rarely make it past the infatuation period. In fact, research shows that 90 percent fail within three months.
Can An Ex Come Back After Dating Someone Else?
It might seem like a hopeless situation, but it is possible for an ex to come back after dating someone else. Exes usually come back due to:
When someone has a hard time coming to terms with a breakup, they are more likely to wonder if ending the relationship was the right thing to do. If your ex has any lingering feelings, not only will they think about you; they might come back.
Human beings tend to avoid unfamiliarity and discomfort. Rather than make a fresh start with a stranger, your ex might deem it easier to rekindle an old flame. If they’re in a rocky relationship with a different person, they might consider coming back to you.
If an ex’s emotional needs aren’t being met, they’re more likely to come back. If the last time they felt seen and understood was with you, they might want you back.
Going through a rough patch or needing emotional support might make them realize that letting you go was their biggest mistake.
After a string of failed relationships or dating different people, an ex might realize that your relationship was the best option for them. That realization might drive them straight into your arms.
How To Make Your Ex Want You Back
To get him back, he’s got to want you back. Here’s how to do it:
Cut off all communication
Your ex might expect you to be blowing up his phone. He might expect you to beg or plead for him to see reason. Maybe it's what you've been doing. It's undoubtedly a normal response to the prospect of losing someone you care about.
If you've been begging and pleading or nagging your ex, it's time to make use of the no-contact rule. You’ll never win him back if you're desperate and needy. By cutting off all communication, you're showing him that you have confidence and self-respect. Your sudden absence will pique his interest.
Without you in the background to validate him, he is more likely to realize that he misses you. He might even start to see the pitfalls of his new relationship.
Contacting him in your current state will only reinforce his negative perception of you. It'll give him plenty of reasons to justify the breakup when he starts to doubt his decision.
Prove him wrong
What if you haven't been bugging your ex? What if he insists on remaining friends with you? It's pretty common for people to keep their exes around even when they’re in new relationships. They get the benefit of having two people in their lives.
Your ex might want to enjoy physical comfort from his rebound relationship and emotional comfort from you. He probably thinks that he can have you back at any time he pleases. Prove him wrong. Show him that you will not tolerate mind games or any sort of toxic behavior.
Your silence and absence communicates that you won’t be used or disrespected. Walking away will increase your perceived value. For him to realize that he wants you back, you’ve got to deny him access to you.
Send him a text like this to establish boundaries and show him that you're putting your well-being first:
“ I appreciate that you still want us to be friends, but I'd like to heal from this breakup. I'll be cutting contact with you for a while to get my mental health in order. Maybe we can be friends after I've healed. All the best.”
Focus on your healing
To get your ex back and ensure that your relationship has a fighting chance, you've got to give yourself time to heal. Holding on to negative emotions could sabotage your attempts to get him back. It's important not to suppress your feelings.
Try to find healthy ways to handle them. Try keeping a journal or seeing a therapist to help you through the process. Prioritizing self-care will give you a much-needed self-esteem boost.
You might be comparing yourself to his new girlfriend. You might even be blaming yourself for everything. But, it's crucial to get rid of any limiting beliefs.
You're worthy of love and respect. You deserve to be in a healthy, loving relationship. You’ve taken a knock, and it will take a shift in energy to manifest your ex back. Make use of positive affirmations to change your mindset. Becoming the confident, attractive woman he once fell for should be your priority.
Do some reflection
Reflection can be a powerful tool to aid your emotional recovery. You'll come to terms with the breakup. You'll also rediscover who you are.
Be clear about why you want your ex back. Reflect on what went wrong in your relationship. And figure out what you need to do to improve your relationship this time around.
A mental health professional may be able to help you through the process of reflection. Putting your past relationships into perspective can help you work through your emotions. You can also determine whether you want your ex back for the right reasons.
Pay attention to your social media use
Seeing him flaunting his new relationship isn't going to help you heal. It might make you jealous and resentful. Such negative emotions will only thwart your efforts to get him back.
You’ve got to resist the urge to stalk him online. Unfollow him if you have to, but don’t block your ex. You might be able to use social media to help shift his perception of you.
Pay careful attention to the posts you share. Don’t use social media to vent. Focus on portraying a positive image instead. Share your adventures and document all your worthwhile pursuits.
If your ex happens to be paying attention, he’ll see that you’re moving on and focusing on personal growth. Even if he isn’t actively following you, mutual friends will probably keep him in the loop.
Don't mope around. Spend time with your family and friends. Do some of the things you've always wanted to do. Arrange a monthly spa date to pamper yourself. You need it. Don't forget to hide all physical reminders of your ex. This includes his belongings or any gifts he may have given you. It'll stop you from obsessing over him.
You might also need to delete his contact information for now. You don't want to drunk-text, call him or keep fighting the urge to say ’hi.'
Does No Contact Work If Your Ex Is Seeing Someone Else?
You might be thinking that using the no contact when he's dating someone else might help him move on faster. Won't ignoring him drive him straight into the arms of his new girlfriend? Well, think again. The no contact rule might work for these reasons:
It will get him curious
No contact might pique his interest. When you finally stand your ground and refuse to stick around for his convenience, he’ll sit up and take notice. You’re no longer a predictable, needy mess.
He won’t understand you anymore, and that presents a fresh challenge. Regardless of what he thought of you before, your attitude and confidence will shift his perception of you.
He’ll miss you
No contact might allow him to reflect without being distracted by you. Some of his negative feelings will fade, meaning he's likely to start missing you.
He will never realize how much he misses you if he has access to you. He won’t realize how his rebound relationship is nothing compared to the real relationship he shared with you.
You won’t say or do things you’ll regret
There is a very good chance that feelings like resentment and shame may drive you to extremes, such as stalking and verbal abuse.
No contact works because it gives you time to step away from the situation. You'll give yourself time to heal, and you won't say or do things you’ll regret. When you’re angry, you might talk badly about his new girlfriend. You’ll only come across as a crazy ex-girlfriend, and he’ll want nothing to do with you.
You're not going to get him back if he thinks of you in such a negative light.
Staying in contact with your ex and trying to convince him to come back to you won't work in your favor.
How To Get Your Ex Back When He Is Dating Someone Else
If you want to get your ex back when he’s dating someone else, here’s how to do it:
Once you've healed and worked through your feelings, you can make contact with your ex. Texting him is a low-risk way to see where you stand. It’s also a great way to reconnect and build rapport. You’ve just got to be careful about your approach.
The key is not to seem too desperate or pushy when reconnecting with him. Don’t allude to anything romantic, as you might scare him off. Keeping things neutral and friendly is the best strategy. You could start with a polite ‘check-in’ text and work your way up from there.
If you hit a dead-end here, it's best to accept that he's fully invested in his new relationship. Blocking or ignoring you is one of the most significant signs he'll never come back.
But, if your ex seems excited to hear from you, that's a pretty good sign. Try to maintain a positive, meaningful connection via text. Keep your ex talking and let him associate you with fun and good vibes.
Don’t make any references to his new relationship or your old relationship yet. At this stage, your goal is to keep the positivity going so that when you eventually ask to see him, he’s excited about it.
If he suspects that you're trying to get back together, he might withdraw. Remember, it’s all about building an emotional connection first. A high-quality emotional connection will draw you together. You won’t even need to mention it; getting back together will be his idea.
Wait for him to end things
Wait things out. If your ex is in a rebound relationship, it will typically fizzle out in a few weeks. A strong physical connection is what’s keeping him and his new girlfriend together. When the infatuation phase is over, he might realize that there’s not much else to the relationship.
He’ll be right back where he started—brokenhearted and missing you. In this scenario, he might even come looking for you. This would be the perfect time to show him that he can rely on you for emotional support.
The entire experience is guaranteed to bring you together; just be sure to take things slow. Work through your issues and give your new relationship a fair shot.
Attract him on an emotional level
Having your ex end his rebound relationship and come back to you is undoubtedly the best-case scenario. But things don't always work out this way.
Sometimes, an ex will cling to a rebound relationship out of pride or guilt. Sometimes, they might genuinely be happy. Either way, don't lose hope; just be patient and persistent. If you attract him emotionally, he just might reconsider his new relationship.
Remember how in the beginning, getting to know each other was exciting? Somewhere along the line, you lost that spark. It’s up to you to re-ignite it by remaining upbeat and confident.
Make sure every interaction leaves your ex feeling good about himself. He’ll naturally be drawn to you. And he’ll have a difficult time keeping you off his mind.
Show him that you’ve changed
According to research, people are more likely to reunite with their ex-partners if they notice positive changes in them. Your ex might think he has ‘traded up,’ but you've got to plant a seed of doubt in his mind.
Remember, you shouldn’t be playing a role– you should actually be working to become a new and improved version of yourself.
Focus on your mental health. Attend therapy and work on any personal issues that may have been a problem in your relationship. Take care of your physical and emotional well-being.
You could even get a makeover to give you an extra confidence boost. Let your new positive attitude shine through. Be sure to keep using social media to your advantage. You could even mention your efforts in passing the next time you’re texting him. He might just reconsider his choices.
Play to your strengths
You might be tempted to dwell on all the different ways his new girl is 'better' than you. Don’t entertain such destructive thoughts. You have a massive advantage over her.
At one point, you and your ex had a strong emotional connection. You were probably best friends. You happen to know him really well, and you’re someone he can open up to.
He found you attractive, and you made many happy memories together. What you shared is certainly much stronger than what he has with his new girlfriend.
Play to your strengths and get him thinking about the good times. Interacting with you should remind him of that strong connection you once shared.
Meet with him
If your ex is serious about his current relationship, he probably won't want to meet with you at all. Respect his wishes if he keeps turning you down. If he wants to meet with you, take that as a very good sign.
Your first meeting is a great opportunity to figure out what he’s thinking. He might be curious. He could be contemplating your breakup. He may even be wanting to gauge how he feels around you.
Your first meeting is also an opportunity to show him the new and improved version of yourself. There's a great chance that he will find your positive energy irresistible.
Unlike the last time he saw you, you’ll be happy and confident. You’ll remind him of the woman he once fell for. Take note of a few things when you meet up with your ex. Is he engaged? Is he being flirty? Flirting is a pretty good sign that he's thinking about you in a romantic way.
Even if the chemistry between you happens to be off the charts, keep calm and wait for him to break things off with his new girlfriend. You don't want to be pulled into a toxic arrangement.
Show him what he’s missing
Okay, so what if he isn't beating your door down after your first, second or third meeting? You've got to show him what he's missing out on.
Make him believe that he made a grave mistake by leaving you. A little bit of jealousy can go a long way to getting him back. Seeing you with a 'new boyfriend' on your arm might trigger a strong sense of loss.
You might not feel like it, but get out there and mingle. Meet new people and grow your social circle. This will do wonders for your self-confidence and increase your desirability. As opposed to what he expects, you're not miserable, moping around, or feeling sorry for yourself.
If he’s using a rebound relationship to cope with losing you, the prospect of you moving on might just spur him to finally end it.
If his rebound relationship hasn't come to an end, and you've been hanging out and doing the 'friends' dance for a while, it's time to be upfront.
Confront him and establish what your chances are. This might be the push he needs to finally make a decision. He might let you down gently. Or, he might feel deceived and cut you off.
But, at least you'll know exactly where you stand.
Get Professional Help with Relationship Hero
Trying to get your ex back when they're dating someone else can be a complex and emotional journey. That's why it's important to have a support system to help guide you through this process. I highly recommend using Relationship Hero, an online coaching service that specializes in getting back together with an ex. Their experienced relationship coaches will help you navigate the complexities of your situation and provide customized advice to help you get the results you're looking for.
I can personally attest to the effectiveness of Relationship Hero. They helped me regain the trust and love of my ex after a difficult breakup. I was able to rebuild a stronger and more meaningful connection with my partner thanks to the guidance and support of their coaches.
If you're looking for additional resources to help you on your journey, be sure to take their relationship quiz to get a better understanding of your current situation and the steps you can take to improve your relationship. Investing in professional help can make all the difference in achieving the love and happiness you deserve.